Scream Your Heart Out
by CodyRhodesFan
Summary: When Jacob is violently attacked by a group of vampires in the middle of the night, he loses his hearing. By Edward and Bella, they try to help him go through a difficult time. EdwardJacob SLASH. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue

**I love _Twilight_.**

**I guess I love craziness too.**

**So you know who I'm pairing with who so get out of the way if you hate this pairing. The only reason I did it was because it rocked hard core so I don't want any flames! :D Not yet anyways.**

**Scream Your Heart Out  
**Rated: T - angst/language  
Full Summary: When Jacob is violently attacked by a group of vampires in the middle of the night, he doesn't remember anything from the night's events, claiming that he was too tired to register anything. So Edward and Bella take care of him but he discovers that he's deaf. But Edward is the only one able to communicate with him because he can't hear. When he sees that Bella's sorry for him, he becomes agitated at Bella's discomfort for Jacob. What will Edward do? And to what point will he go to? Edward/Jacob.  
Genre: Romance/Angst

_Jacob's POV:_

It was in the middle of the night.

My entire life changed in a split second. I couldn't take it. I didn't understand anything at all. It was so fast - the image of my bed stuck in my head - and then, there was just this slant of white. A flash of white. And a deadly scent intoxicating inside of my nose, burning inside of my nose, and I wanted to get out of here. There was more than one of them. I knew it. Nothing could smell so horrid.

And their hands were wrapped around me in an instant and I didn't know anything else. All I knew and felt and tasted after that was searing pain. Pain that I couldn't imagine. Not when I got hurt protecting Leah of all people. It was the type of pain that I didn't think I could get - a werewolf that could heal from his cuts. And the sound of blades, and snarls, and a harsh shriek. I didn't know what that shriek was.

But it was familiar.

It had taken me so long to figure out what that shriek was - I was screaming. I was horrified. And it didn't feel like me. Those seconds were hours to me, those minutes turned into weeks so quickly. I thought I was going to die. And violent red spurred my brain. I didn't know what to think. I wanted to scream even more but that would be too childish. I supposed crying was just as childish. I wanted to run off. Even to that bloodsucker.

Because these were sucking the brains out of me. The life of me was diced into pieces and eaten off by these monsters. I had no more life. I had no more hate in me. I had no more anything in me. No love. No nothing. Those bloodsuckers were trying to suck everything in me - why? Did they smell me? Was I a threat? The thoughts were surging all too fast and I didn't want to hear any of them.

_You're going die here, Jake._

No, I wasn't. I wasn't. I can hold on.

_Hold onto what?_

Nothing. I had nothing to hold onto.

So I felt the pain slowly subside as the blackness overtook me. The blackness was a relief, and for a moment, I thought I was asleep. I thought I was in my bed, resting, happily in my dreams but there was no image - nothing stuck in my head - nothing in me but that pain that tried to linger in my spine. And then - the blackness didn't keep me conscious anymore. I thought I died.

After all, I had nothing to hold onto, right?

* * *

I could feel two sweet-scented arms wrap around my neck.

I didn't hear anything though. I felt those arms squeeze and I wanted to scream but I didn't know if I was screaming. I heard no sound. I felt a stab of pain in my neck and that stab was all it took for my eyes to pop open. And I could see her. I could see Bella's face, filled with concern, close to mine. Close to my face, enough to kiss her, but I didn't let my emotions take me. I was screaming all out on the inside.

I realized that my teeth was gritted together in that pain.

Bella touched my shoulder, offered me comfort with her eyes, and then that leech of hers started to speak. But I heard nothing.

Edward's face stayed rigid as he spoke to Bella. Again, no voice. My eyes were willing to pop out of my head, my stomach churned and I wanted to tear my ears off. I couldn't hear?! I couldn't hear anything? Edward ran off so that Bella and I were alone. I bet she was happy now. She wouldn't have to spend her time with a damaged person. She knew that he was perfect by all means now.

He came back, with a paper in his hands so I ripped it out of his hands and I looked at the paper. _What happened?_

When I looked upwards, he held a golden pen. Show off. I ripped the pen out of his hands and looked down at the paper. _Would you like to know? I was attacked by a group of bloodsuckers. I can't remember much, but I knew that I would've suffocated of the smell anyways._ I brought the paper towards Edward, pulgging in in his stomach and he picked it up and read it over. His face was too smooth, I couldn't read anything.

Great. Just great. I was a deaf werewolf.

_I don't want to be like this._

And he scribbled something down under the paper.

I crumpled it in paper. And looked at him in anger. I didn't want to talk like this. I wasn't normal. I didn't think I could feel normal but now, just as I was getting used to the entire wolf thing, like it was normal - this just had to happen. Oh great. Just what I needed. As if the werewolves and vampires were real statement didn't get to me the first time. They walked out - I knew that face on Bella.

She wanted to give me some space to adapt.

But at the same time, she wanted to run to me and hug me and tell me that she was sorry. Even though she didn't do anything to me at all.

I uncrumpled the paper as quickly as I could've when I was sure they were both gone.

_I'm sorry for your loss, Jacob.

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_**This is kinda a prologue. Sorry for the shortness. :P**

**;) Gab  
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	2. Visitation Rights

**Ooh, thanks! I appreciate each part of this, guys.**

**I didn't think that anyone would like it. But I love a protective!Edward and broken!Jacob. It's just making life better. Hmm...I have so much love for this story that I can't let it go from my mind. It's so cool...**

**Thanks for reviewers! I didn't expect even 2 reviews for the first chapter. So you guys surprised me. I'm doing what you want. Updating early!  
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**Chapter 1  
Visitation Rights  
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_Edward's POV_

I didn't ever feel too bad for the wolf boy.

I liked him. I didn't say I hated him. But I didn't understand Jacob Black well at all. He was different and confusing. With confusing thoughts and a confusing perspective on things. Now, he had another flaw in him. He can't hear anyone. When I had seen the fear behind his eyes, I felt a surge of concern for him. I had never seen that type of fear in anyone but Bella. And I could see Bella in his wide dark intense eyes burning from within him.

I had to save that Bella part of him.

Bella turned to me, with hot tears threatening to spew from her eyes, I could smell them. I could smell how sad and concerned they were for his well being so I stepped him. I tried to him. But he acted so fairly Jacob that he was vague. But his thoughts spiked me inside with compassion, with that same fear, with a call. A call for help. And I knew I had no choice but to lead him there, where he liked it or not.

This might hurt Bella.

And I wanted her to be happy. It was a reason for my existence. For that beautiful smile that curved on her face. The one that made me want to hold her and kiss her and love her for all of eternity. And no one could've given me that beautiful happiness in that simple smile but her. I could taste it, fiercer than any force, hotter than the sun, colder than the winter - just everything that buzzed through me. Even better. Indescribable.

That night, as I walked inside of Jacob's household.

Bella had been fairly worried about the dog's health. She was sure it was her fault because those vampires might've been after her. And not Jacob at all. But as I walked inside of the house, there he was, sitting on the couch, and he didn't even smell me yet. There was something - something huge - distracting him. Something that made him forget about everything. Something that pulled him from reality.

I stayed slightly away so that the scent wasn't too severe. To make matters better, I grabbed onto the wolf's jacket and placed it around my shoulders. But he still hadn't noticed my existence. I was father away from the couch, close to the door and the silence seemed to linger through the air. Like a thick mist that fogged a person's eyes, and it tasted thick. It tasted bitter. And Jacob smelled like that wet dog scent, along with something. Along with fear, that fear tasting him.

_I'm an outcast._

And I could see it in his eyes. He didn't have anything to hide, did he? He couldn't hide it.

Jacob shifted from the light, closing his eyes for a moment, and letting the words sink in before he started another thought.

_I'm deaf._

His face tightened. His breath was so close and so rapid that his heartbeat started to speed up because of those slow, sharp and deep breaths.

_I--_

But he stopped. His thoughts were distracted and there was a look of horror crossing his face. Not the type of horror that I'd seen in Bella before, darker, and it drove me over the edge because he looked more innocent then than ever before. For a second, I thought that I understood Jacob Black. And he pushed his head downwards, the couch supporting his head as he breathed rapidly.

_No, bloodsuckers, get away! Leeches!_

Was he thinking about that night?

And his rapid breathing came to a halt. He started regaining his color and breath. His pale flesh became russet and he slowly opened his eyes. I knew he might find me then because he wasn't thinking of anything at all. I ran out of the room before anyone could notice that I was there. I had gone through the border twice only because Jacob hadn't been guarding it twice when he was on patrol.

I looked at the watch but stopped myself when I found myself surrounded my wolves. In their human forms.

Sam walked towards me, calm expression on his face and I didn't want any trouble so I didn't start a fight. "What are you doing beyond our border, bloodsucker?" Paul screeched out and then, I saw a rock being thrown at them from a distance.

There he was. Jacob.

His eyes blazing fiery.

And he crumpled down a sheet of paper before throwing it at Paul's face.

Paul uncrumpled the piece of paper. And I could hear the wolf's thoughts. _What?! What does he mean that the leech was allowed to come here? What does he mean it's serious? The border stops here--and why the hell did he write it out on paper anyways? Why doesn't he say it to my face?_ And Paul's face turned hot red with rage. "Why don't you say this to my face, Jake?" Paul encouraged.

Jacob grunted. But I doubted he heard it.

_Tell him, leech. Tell him about me._ Even in his thoughts, I could taste the bitterness.

I cleared my throat so that all of them were looking at me. Half of them in rage and the other with such a calm expression I wondered how they could keep it up. "Jacob," I said his name with nothing behind it. No hate. No care. No nothing at all. Just smooth and calm. Just like their faces. "At patrol last night, Jacob had been attacked by vampires. And I smelled the unfamiliar scent in this place a mile away and ran to aid him. When Bella and I had found him, he was unconscious. When Bella and I talked, I heard his thoughts. I heard him say that he can't hear Bella talking."

Looks of concern for their wolf peer as the words flew through my mouth easily.

"He's deaf."

And the bitterness I tasted was too intense at that time, in my throat, in my stomach, blocking thoughts from my own head. Jacob scowled at me.

_Like I need them to label me._

Label? Jacob looked like he might burst from anger and bitterness all of a sudden. He opened his mouth to say his thoughts out, "I'm not deaf! I'm _not_!" he could speak but I beat he couldn't hear himself. "I really need a label after this entire wolf thing," he sarcastically spoke his thought out but was unaware of it. He thought that it was a thought inside of his head. He didn't know that he said it. And I could feel that.

"Jacob, is this true?"

I knew that Jacob looked at me for help. I couldn't tell him anything. I couldn't communicate with him without the paper and pencil. I needed to write to him. Jacob looked confused, trying to read Sam's lips. And then slowly, nodded his head. The bitterness just tasted worse, and there was this fear. This constant fear I smelled along with his wolf scent, that he wanted to be accepted.

By his family.

_They'll think of me as a handicap now! Gee, I really love being called disabled.  
_

"I thought I might be allowed visitation. Bella is rarely worried about Jacob and I would do anything to please her." I had explained to Sam. Sam looked thoughtful for a moment but his calm face was still on, the mask that prevented me from tasting anything in him. As if there was nothing he was feeling, just thoughts trying to collide or maybe it was because Jacob's bitterness and anger washed out everyone else's emotions.

Sam pursed his lips into a hard line. "And what does Jacob get out of this?"

"Jacob needs Bella. He loves her." And that made me feel jealousy. I was jealous because Bella loved Jacob. Yet there was a hint of something...like I was jealous that Jacob had loved Bella as well. I shook the thought out of my head easily. "Am I not allowed to pass on a message every once in a while?"

Sam nodded his head. "Jacob, are you--"but then Sam saw the confusion on Jacob's face. He saw how he didn't know what was going on. So he asked from any of them if they had a paper and pen, I came prepared. And reached out for the paper and pen. I had given them to Jacob by then. It was quick - and I was used to quick but the way he reacted was shocked. As if he didn't expect me to come prepared.

_What's going on?_

Jacob's handwriting was sloppy but on its own way, unique. Like Bella's unique handwriting.

I had given him the note in seconds, just to please him but he seemed rather irritated that he couldn't be as fast with all the stress on his head. How he wanted to compose his thoughts so I couldn't hear any of it. He looked up at me when he saw that I had explained the situation. _Am I allowed visitation for Bella, Jacob?_ And he had scribbled an untidy 'yes' which made my heart soar. Figure of speech of course.

Bella'd be happier, less worried, and calmer by then.

And he turned to go back to his house but Sam called him. Jacob didn't listen so Paul jerked his shoulder in anger and pulled him towards Sam's position. Why not, Paul? Break my shoulder, too. And he looked at Sam, with fake glee on his face, dark humor growing on him more and more with each thought. The thought of not being accepted was bugging him. _Where would I go? What would I do? What can I tell Billy? That I was kicked out because I was deaf?_ He jumped a little at that point. _No, I'm never telling Billy that I'm deaf. Not me. Not his only son. Never._

The way he thought the last word was with ferocity.

"May you leave?" Sam told me, and I nodded my head even if I tried to connect Jacob's thoughts even as I left. The fear, the anger, the depression, and it was scary. It was scary because it provoked me.

Into wanting more about Jacob Black.

* * *

I spent the time in Bella's room, pulling her close but the only person on my mind was Jacob Black.

He was creeping in and out of my thoughts.

Had Sam kicked him out? No, he wouldn't do that because he was deaf, would he?

Deaf werewolves can't hear howling. That will be vital. And Jacob might be able to read their thoughts but only in wolf form and he can't be in wolf form all the time. Can he? And even as Bella spoke in her sleep, I couldn't concentrate on her. The only thing I can concentrate on was him. And the last question left me puzzled on why would I ask it. It seemed something like Bella would ask the wolf but not me.

_Are you okay?

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_**I love this. It's so fun. I love doing this. This is better than any fiction I've ever done. **_  
_

**;) Gab  
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	3. A Car’s Freedom

**I think it's good. Do you like it? But this is...kinda _different_... not in the style, but I assure you, it's long. It's like 3,301 words.  
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**Chapter 2  
A Car's Freedom

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_Jacob's POV_

I took a deep breath as Sam slowly handed me a piece of paper.

This piece of paper would determine my future. Would make me feel like dying or seeing a slant of light in the world. This piece of paper would tell me what was my pack thinking without going into wolf form. No, not my pack, but my pack _leader _was thinking of. My eyes didn't want to look at the paper as my shaky hands trembled and I sucked in a deep, sharp and swift breath. I looked down at the paper.

My eyes felt like they were going to explode. My heart was threatening to break and my bones were nothing but melted Jello sticking together. I thought I would collapse onto the floor. I thought I'd die from the velocity of the dull blood. And I threatened to cry. I threatened to scream. I couldn't do either. Crying would just make them feel like I was even more of a handicap, and screaming would make one of them want to wrap their arms around me and tell me it was going to be fine.

It wasn't going to be fine.

I was never going to be fine again.

_Jake, you should take a break. We're not forcing you to get out, just make you think about it...how is this going to work out for the pack? We might be distracted in a fight because you can't hear them coming. You won't be able to hear our howling. You won't be able to hear thoughts loud enough and you're going through a rough moment in life. I'm sorry...just think about it...I'm not kicking you out. Giving you a break to think things over, that's all._

My mouth opened up, a huge gap and the pain was electrocuting inside of my mouth as I shredded the pieces into itty bitty pieces and knocked one crumpled piece on Sam's all so calm expression. I had been sorry for him. I had cared about what had happened between him and Emily and Leah and this was how he was treating me? Throwing me away like I wasn't still a werewolf? And where would I go? Where can I go? I scrambled to find answers and became scared when I couldn't find any. And the pain wouldn't let me think. This pain was an explosion going in my head, and any thought in my head just made my knees shake and my back slouch.

_No_.

I wouldn't be scared.

I'd take this in. I can be strong. I can be perfect. I can be fearless.

_No!_

But I forgot how to be strong. I forgot how to act fearless. I forgot how to be perfect little Jacob because I was never perfect. Because the silence was screaming inside of my head, piercing every thought in my head until there was nothing inside of my mind. Until I was hollow and I suddenly wished that I was one of those bloodsuckers. At least, Edward damn him Cullen got to hear people's thoughts - he knew what they were saying. He knew what other people were thinking and he could hear other people, too! Now, I couldn't even hear my own voice. I had to hear the vague sound of my thoughts. I didn't think that my thoughts had a voice.

_NO!_

I wanted _that _back. I wanted my voice back. Because I felt like I was mute. With no one wanting to listen to anything I ever said. You know how long I've been waiting to understand how these things work? How I felt like I was stuck in painting and in this painting, everyone was looking at me like I was disabled. Like there was something so wrong with me and so clear in me. I didn't want that. I didn't want them to act like I was some sort of mental patient, slowly losing his mind, away from reality - I was away from reality. Trying to find a beautiful voice that I tried to grasp on.

A voice in my head. I wanted to be insane becuase I wasn't going to go through this. I wasn't going to be just 'fine' not being able to hear anything, even myself when I speak out loud. I wouldn't be able to hear the sweet sound of my own blood pulsing to know if I was alive. I wouldn't be able to hear the tear of my brain as reality slipped away from me and I was left alone with nothing and nobody to understand me, to know what I wanted.

_N-n-no..._

* * *

Where was I going?

I didn't know.

I was behind the wheel of my car, the velocity was accelerating as my brain started to throb softly, a headache, blood leaving every aspect of my brain as my brain cells argued, fought, screamed for blood (screaming for life) - _over thirty, forty, fifty_ - and I didn't care. Not at all. I didn't care if I ran over one of the bloodsuckers. Actually, I wished they'd die that way. Then Sam would see what I see. That I was good. My heartbeat accelerated as the car speed accelerated - _sixty, seventy, eighty _- I was going to go fly this car. I didn't care how much my Rabbit could take. It was just a car - I was just a werewolf.

I just wanted to feel the brush of the cool air on my flesh - can't. I was a werewolf. And the sun was burning hot so I was numb to it. As numb as a lifeless dead human. I didn't feel any heat at all. And I couldn't feel the sweat between my fingers and running from my forehead, not at all - but I could pretend like I could. But as my heart accelerated, the sound thumped into my ears...I felt like I could hear. I wanted to go faster, faster, faster - now, I knew why Bella wanted to hear the bloodsucker's voice. Why she went to all this danger to just get what she wanted.

I wanted to go away.

I wanted to go find someone who'd care about me and can magically make me listen to words again. And then I felt a pair of eyes staring at me - golden piercing eyes - it can't be a bloodsucker. Can it? I sped even higher, and a flash of bright blue, a flash of some sort of lightening and thunder in my head, crashed right into something - not just something, the end of an alley. How could I not see that coming? Oh great, I was losing my eyesight too. I knew the real reason was because my head was outside of the window, looking for that bloodsucker.

I wanted to scream in rage, in hate, in pain. But I was sure I couldn't hear myself scream.

My Rabbit. The one that had taken me so long to make was destroyed. Or at least needed to be repaired. It would take hours. Maybe even weeks if I looked at the damage more clearly. I did look at it, it wasn't too bad... My heartbeat slowled though, and I felt a hand on my shoulder. The voice subsided in my ear and I didn't care about the reek anymore - the voice was slowly gone...the only reason I could hear my heart thumping was so unclear - _eighty, seventy, sixty_. I looked to see it was that bloodsucker. The scent was getting stronger - oh God. I was about suffocate. And he ripped a piece of paper out of his pocket, his eyes were telling me to write down what was I thinking and I clicked onto his golden pen.

Still a show off.

_Well, if you'd like to know, Sam gave me a break because he thought I was no good. So I lost my mind and the next second, my car hovered towards the end of an alley! That good enough, leech? _I wanted to know how much venom was in my voice. I wanted him to see the pain in my voice, to hear the coldness I was used to. But if I did say that, I wouldn't know how it would sound like. The worst part was living with the silence (_Ihatedabsoluatelyhatedthesilence_), it was keeping me away from everything. I realized that I didn't mention my heart accelerating and I dared not to think about it. I hoped that he didn't listen. I wanted - wanted, just wanted, so much, so very much - to keep it a secret. After all, the last thing I needed was a protective vampire looking at everything I did. I was a werewolf. I could handle myself.

My thoughts couldn't drown out the screaming silence, piercing and poking at my brain. Tearing the tissue out of my brain, like paper, bleeding paper in my brain.

I didn't know what to do.

Edward helped me out of my car, and looked at me in the eyes. In my stupid black eyes.

_I'm fine, Cullen. Jeez. Why don't you get inside of me if you're looking at me like that?_

He realized that and took his eyes off me. What was he looking at? I traced my forehead and felt something - something unusual - looking back at the mirror, I realized that a huge pink swollen scab was on my forehead. I touched the scab, a little bit of blood dripped through my fingers. And then I looked at the damage in my car since I didn't care about the scab. It'll go away. I wished it would stay. Like I needed something else to mark that I was destroyed, damaged and handicapped. I looked at the damage as clear as possible - my bumper was destroyed. I needed a new one but nothing too bad. And then another thought went into my head. _Oh great...where do I get money to buy parts for a bumper?  
_

He started moving his lips but stopped. I closed my eyes softly, and then, imagined his voice. Smooth, cold, and hard, running inside of my head. And it was vague. _No! I want a voice in my head!_ _I need it..._ And grabbed onto the paper again before writing._ I'll take you home. Carry you? _I knew he had written it because I looked so hopeless fragile and all that crap. I felt that way anyways. And he was listening to my thoughts of course. He heard about me imagining his voice in my head. And I could just look at his eyes and see that he was telling me just that. His mouth was smoothed out in a hard line, and mine pursed into a harsh, and hard one. I wanted him to go away.

_No way!_

I wasn't Bella to be carried around in the arms of my "Edward".

He seemed to have chuckled. I wouldn't know. I can't hear it. But it looked like it, the laugh lines around his cheeks and the bright golden streak in his pitch black eyes were entertained. I gritted my teeth when I looked down to my paper, and saw that he had written again. I didn't know if he had taken it when I was thinking again. _A walk? It's still in the afternoon... a nice walk might--  
_

I ripped my eyes away from the paper and looked at the golden eyes of his face._ No! Cullen, you were just trying to make me feel better because I'm deaf. Because I'm handicapped... _and I might've broken at that but my anger wouldn't let me. Edward slowly nodded his head. He was honest and I couldn't like or hate that honesty. I didn't know what I wanted from him but he seemed to give it. _Okay, fine, walk me home..._

And he knew it was because my pack had somehow left me.

And I looked at the damage again in the bumper and jerked myself inside of the car without even looking at Cullen. I didn't want to see that expression. I needed my heart to accelerate. It was all to freaking _silent _for me! It was driving me crazy. All of it. My hands were on the wheel and I could feel his cold breath on my face. I knew that look on his face without working, you're hurt. You shouldn't do this. And I started laughing but I didn't hear it. It drove me over the edge, as my car wheeled from its position and I started to run across the road again. Edward's hands went to the wheel, to stop me.

_I'm strong too, Cullen!_

And I managed to push him off as he looked at me with concern and he take control of the wheel. He didn't need to be in my place, he just turned and the speed started to slow down - _fifty, forty, thirty _- _No_! I didn't want this. I didn't want my heart rate to get slower! I grabbed onto the wheel again and jerked him away. I saw the flash of pain in his face before I started the car up as hard as possible - _eighty, ninety, hundred_... And my heart was accelerating as fast as possible. I laughed but couldn't hear it and tried to convince myself I couldn't hear it because my heart was piercing and pounding in my ears.

I felt him cradle me in his chest as a flash of light overtook both of us and he quickly opened the car door and surged out in a hurry. I wondered why as I looked back over his shoulder to see that the car exploded. And he knew it was too late because in that minute, a type of pain ran inside of me. Not harsh and not hard at all. Before I realized, looking at my flesh, that I was burning. Sparks of fire was igniting inside of my flames were digging inside of my flesh, making me feel vulnerable. As Edward stood upwards, his face was perfect, smooth and cold, no bruises, no nothing. And his eyes traveled down me, I must've looked like hell.

His hands reached out for me and I took them, slowly standing up as the fire died down. Firefighters. I must've not looked like I'd been in a fire so Edward led me away, his eyes were filled with concern but I wanted to walk. It hurt but as I looked down at my russet flesh, I realized that whatever damage showed was slowly gone. My flesh was slowly recovering. I looked at a pond and saw my face; it was as russet as my hands. And looked down at the rest of my body, I was fine. But the pain was sharp, the flames were inside of me, burning, and it would take a while for them to disappear. My body fought it with no problem.

But they'd leave some sort of damage. A bone. But stopped in position - what if the flames had somehow reached one of my organs? Will I live? I shrugged the thought off. I did this on myself. I almost killed myself. Bella would be worried about it and I knew from Edward's expression that he wasn't going to tell her anytime soon. Unless I started driving again.

When he had walked with me, I expected questions I couldn't answer. I expected him to be writing while walking. But he seemed to have been exploring the thoughts in my head or something, seemed to be thinking. It wasn't too far or near, but it was a good walk. Somehow, comforting because it made me think about it. About all of this. About how Sam had somehow betrayed me, left me alone like he was because I was deaf.

Because I was different.

What was wrong with being different? Oh nothing but when you have a label, everyone wanted to bite at your ear. Everyone wanted to laugh at your misfortune. I wish they'd laugh. I couldn't hear them. The only sound in the world I heard was my own scream. I didn't want to replay it but it was the only thing in my mind that could be replayed. It was the closet thing I had to a memory of voices.

I wished I was insane.

After all, insane people were never alone. That had voices in their heads, telling them to do things, telling them - to do strange little things... violent things. I wouldn't care what the voices would tell me. I just wanted to hear. I wanted to be able to shut away this silence and just scream. But I wouldn't know when I screamed - or when I laughed or chuckled. I lost something too important from me -

_eighty, seventy, sixty_...my heart rate was slowing. Slowly, quickly, everything.

And I felt like I was never getting it back.

Everyone would stare at me. Would look at me like I was different. Even Sam did. The Cullen did. Would the leech do this for me when I had my hearing? Would Sam give me a break if I had my hearing? They all saw me now. Handicapped. Different. Ruined. Damaged. And all of that didn't hurt as much as the silence did because when you were alone, in complete and utter silence, you just wanted time to pass by.

_Fifty, forty, thirty..._

You just wanted to die.

And I saw the bloodsucker stiffen. Why would he care? He was supposed to enjoy this. His enemy was deaf. But I guess I was too bitter to let anyone have any fun with me. Edward's face turned paler, so white bone, as he looked at me before I looked away. There was this huge topaz sparkle in his eyes - concern. For me? He wouldn't care about me. He shouldn't care about me. When the real thing in my head was: _Don't freaking stop caring, leech_.

Because...

_Twenty, ten..._

And then there it came. Where I touched the spot where my heart was supposed to be, no sound, no beat...

Nothing.

I was hollow.

Empty with everything.

Even blood.

Was I dead?

_Zero..._

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**Done.**

**;) Gab**


	4. One More Try

**Sorry. I'm really busy but I'm updating because...je t'aime. Oui, je ne parle pas Francais bien but what can we do? Oh, here's the next chapter. I read over it. I hope it's good.**

**Chapter 3  
One More Try**

_Edward's POV_

He looked so pale, so gone, so dead. Jacob's eyes flattered shut tight and then, he slowly opened them. "Am I...dead?" he asked, softly, trying to understand everything and anything but I couldn't understand why he was feeling this way. I touched his heart and felt it thumping and he shook his head. "Dead, dead, dead," he didn't know he was talking and it was sad hearing him say his thoughts out with such a thick, and smooth, honey out of a jar, voice. Mostly because I knew I'd do anything to stop him from saying anymore. I touched at his face and he twisted his head away from mine.

We continued walking around to his house, and he knew, just knew, that was something going on. That the flame might get inside of his liver or heart, or anywhere and burn him to life. I saw those flames. They subsided before they dug inside of his skin. I should know. I have such a sharp vision that I could even taste the flames, gone and away, and I could smell its ferocity before I realized that it wasn't the flames. Jacob's flesh had this scent of hot, hot liquid that burns inside of people's hearts. If my heart could warm his touch, it would. Around him, my heart wasn't too cold or too hard, around him, my heart melted. And there was a scent of his furious burning alcoholic scent.

And I wanted more. Even if it was wrong. Bella was supposed to do that to me but she couldn't have. Not that fury. Not that burning alcohol. Not any of it.

When I had been walking him, there was this one thought that pulled me out of thoughts of the car explosion.

_I wish that I can have one try at patrolling again; I bet I can do it._

I didn't know why but I thought that he needed that try too. One more try and it might be all over. It might make him feel better. It make encourage him to be happier and Bella would be ecstatic to hear that Jacob was doing all so well all so soon. When I had stopped by Jacob's house, uncertainty marked his eyes. _No! I can't tell Billy...not yet... _I remembered that dark certain 'never' as Jacob thought. I touched at his shoulders.

He didn't want to tell Billy because he didn't know if Billy might accept the fact that his only son had no hearing anymore. I could feel Jacob's thoughts running in my head; he talked about how he'd never hear Bella call his name. How he'd never hear me call him dog. How he'd never hear anything anymore. How that simple thing provoked him into thinking that he'd just wait until he died to be happy.

He turned around and I looked into those hard dark eyes to see something. I found nothing but coldness and anger. But behind that, I could almost see the thoughts, purging in and out of his pores, deep within his blood. I stopped in my position as I looked up and down his clothing. I knew people were staring so I told him to wait for a moment while I vanished, ran as fast as possible to bring him some article of clothing from my home.

He was sure still standing as I gave him my clothing. He went towards the woods to undress and dress himself. And as he walked out, his clothes were perfect. And I had changed mine when I was at home. I recalled in one of his thoughts that he didn't want me to mention this incident again unless necessary and he didn't seem to think it was necessary now. We looked back at Billy's house and his thought entered and exploded in my head.

_Have something in mind, bloodsucker?_

He cocked an eyebrow and I nodded my head. I simply pointed at the road, to say that we can go. He took time registering it but slowly understood. And he walked behind me, walked until I stopped by Bella's house. I thought it would be the best resort. She had been worrying over him. He wasn't going to break any rules, and neither was I. It would be a perfect place, Charlie would be as ecstatic as Bella might be.

I thought about Bella's eyes - her beautiful brown eyes - but then I could see Jacob's eyes. I could see how they both could be the same but there was something in Jacob's eyes that was preventing his eyes from being like Bella's. That anger he kept for the world. That bitterness that could turn into rage if the right things were said - or written even now. There was that coldness that kept him from looking in happiness. He wanted to be at home. He wanted to be safe. I could tell with just one look of his eyes; imagine what would happen if I probe through those dark surfaces?

I walked inside of the house, with Jacob trailing behind me and a smile lit up Bella's face. "Jacob!" she exclaimed.

Jacob looked in confusion and shrugged at me. Telling me that he didn't know what Bella had said, she continued to wrap her hands around his neck, telling and cooing how sorry she had been. "I won't let anything like that happen to you, Jake...I know you can't hear me but--" she stopped herself. She was right. He can't hear her. It was like talking to a dead person. It spiked fear in his eyes.

And somehow, me.

I couldn't imagine him dead. Even with the anger and the bitterness and the coldness, I couldn't imagine him dead. Charlie walked in from behind Bella. Was it night? I looked at the clock and noticed that it was. Maybe our afternoon walk ended at night. And we hadn't noticed. The stress was nagging him too much and the questions were flaring over my head too much. I guess he looked as shocked as I was. Charlie grinned at Jacob, "he's not really deaf, is he?"

I shook my head. "He is. He cannot hear anything at the moment. And he would appreciate it if you hadn't told Mr. Black yet because he didn't want to alert his father." He looked at me and slowly smiled at me, with a weak smile. Just a quick 'thanks' without saying or thinking it at all. Even if he hadn't known what I had said, he could tell from Bella's expression that I was saying the right words. "May he stay here for a while? Or had you already told Billy?"

"Was on my way to ring him. Don't worry, Jacob. I'll keep it a secret but not too long. I wouldn't want your dad to think that you were hurt or something." He wouldn't care. _After all, I'm the indestructible werewolf?_ Jacob barked at Charlie in his thoughts. Bella was still hugging at him. _Bells, please! _

I chuckled. "Bella, you're killing him."

She giggled and let go of Jacob but her eyes were on me then. "I can't kill him. He's too strong for it."

Jacob sat down onto the couch but his eyes were onto the floor. And I wondered what was he thinking of. But his mind was clear as he looked up at Bella. _Bloodsucker, ask Bella if she can make me dinner too. I'm starving._ I laughed and turned to Bella, "fix him a plate too, would you, Bella?" And she immediately rushed to the kitchen, trying to make her best friend go through his rough time.

I sat down beside Jacob and felt him tense up. I knew that he tensed up because of the scent but as I was probing through his mind, I found so many things that tensed him, that stressed him, that put his eyes into a harder, colder state than they already were.

He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with Billy. He wanted to be at home, in his couch, with his father and eating what he usually ate. Whatever was in the fridge. I chuckled at the thought and wondered if I could convince Bella to help me get Sam to agree on giving Jacob one more try at patrolling to show his efforts. And how good he was and could be even with his disability. I walked towards Bella where she was quickly added and ran freely through the kitchen. She was in a rush to please him. "Bella?"

She looked up. "This morning, Sam told Jacob to take a break from patrolling. Actually from being part of the pack," I started and she was full attention on me. "In his thoughts, he would do anything for another try. Do you think you can convince Sam to try?"

Bella's face lit up even more. "Of course, Edward." She grinned at me softly. "You're really trying for me, aren't you? I know that Jacob might be a grouch sometimes but it can be worth it." I understood that as I nodded my head. And she went ahead back to work, I walked her, run free through the kitchen, getting plates and forks, and spoons out to get the perfect amount of everything.

"Leave you to it, love."

I walked out of the kitchen and heard Jacob's thought. He thought that I was still in the kitchen probably. _Why would Sam do this to me?_ The sound was heartbreaking. He tasted like Sam had betrayed him. I could understand why. Because Sam had been lonely once, and now, seeing Jacob lonely, he should help him. Shouldn't he? I turned to Bella. "Just a thought, Bella. I'll accompany you."

"I don't have to be watched around." Bella replied towards me. "I know how to handle myself around the wolves."

"I'll be more persuasive, love," I told her softly. She was stunning. She truly was. And she even smelled as beautiful as she looked. Her eyes were a warm chocolate brown - I wondered how would Jacob look like with those eyes. His eyes would make a big impact on his appearance."And I will not leave you alone with those werewolves without Jacob there to help tame them."

Bella sighed in frustration. "Fine."

I looked back at Jacob.

But I wasn't seeing him. I was looking through that thought.

_Why did Sam do this to me?_

It was more like Sam was the one who had made him deaf. Sam couldn't have. I knew this. He curled up on the couch as Bella gave him his food, he ate it silently and slowly. Something I hadn't seen in a werewolf, before he placed the bowl down onto the table and slowly ran towards the kitchen, brushing past me as if I wasn't there. I looked at what he was doing. He put his head in the sink and started to vomit.

It smelled even wrose. But I realized that I didn't care about the scent as much now even though he reeked.

He turned his head towards me. Pale, his eyes were hard, but smooth, and so was his face. He looked like Alice. Like Jasper. Like Emmett. Like Rosalie. Like Esme. Like Carlisle...like me...he looked like a vampire. As pale as bone. As smooth fleshed as us. As hard as us. But his eyes still had that rage in them. And I wondered if he was sick. Did werewolves get sick? I realized that they were humans.

But they weren't all human.

So I watched as he curled back onto the couch, resisting the urge to finish the food, Bella turned pale with worry and they both looked like vampires. They looked like Rosalie and Jasper. Emmett and Alice. Carlisle and me. Esme and Alice. Alice and Rosalie...they looked like my vampire family. And I knew I needed to protect both of them from anything and everything. I knew that I wanted nothing to hurt them. Ever. Then she helped him up but a look of pain surged through his eyes, and she took notice as he fell back, as quick as possible. He let out a yelp of pain.

"Edward?" she asked for an explanation with those eyes. "What's wrong with him! There's been something you've been keeping from me!"

I thought back slowly to the car's explosion. The sparks of fire that had gotten into Jacob's back and then I stopped myself, as I twisted my head upwards and wrote in a paper._ Let me see your back._ He hissed at me but Bella looked at him with pure concern, she wanted it so much for me to cooperate with my theory as he stood up but winced when I touched his back. I knew there was something wrong instantly as my hands went down his shirt and I ripped it off.

There were deep spots, spots that were scars, and were a fresh purplish blue. I touched his back and he flinched in pain. He looked like he might scream and I told him to turn around again so I can inspect his back. There was something thick and green almost sewed into those scars, I touched that and Jacob stiffened in pure pain. His flesh turned red hot from agony and I brought the green serum between my fingers and a scent of it made me knew what it was. "Those vampires were following him." I realized. "They were stalking him - caused..." I stopped.

"Caused what?" Bella's eyes turned tearful.

My heart broke. Or felt like breaking. At that sight and that sight only. "Jacob's car explosion. His car exploded and I sensed something wrong just by smelling something unusually familiar - and then, the car just went off into an explosion. They weren't going to give up on him. He is a prey..." but a thought stung my head. "Why was he the prey though?" Bella shrugged her shoulders but it seemed like shrugging was all she could do. She was so fragile that she got to me.

"If they come for Jacob in his next patrol, I'll be ready."

Bella insisted on coming along but I assured her it was too dangerous. If it was dangerous for Jacob before, then it would dangerous for her now. If Jacob, a werewolf, couldn't handle it, then what would happen to my sweet Bella? I turned to Jacob, writting on a ripped paper, a paper torn in half, almost white, as I scribbled and threw the paper towards him. _Go to Carlisle. I'll take you._

He snorted, "nothing wrong with me," he spoke out his thought. "Nothing wrong with me!" he screeched and torn the paper away. The pieces fell down onto the floor and he had thrown the pieces onto the floor. Torn with his spit, and there was something that shocked me. A speck of a droplet, something that human eyes couldn't see, something I could taste. Dry and bitter. Disgusting.

But shocking.

A speck of blood was on the paper.

And as I reached out to take Jacob to Carlisle, he twisted his body away and snarled at me. "Nothing! Nothing's wrong," he spoke out so softly and in his lightening stream of thoughts, he wondered if he ever said anything.

He spoke everything out.

So that Bella had a pale face and Charlie had a confusing one.

"Oh Jake..." Bella started.

"Nothing wrong with me!"

Everything was wrong with you, Jake. I wanted to say that but to let it fall out of my mouth, even if he couldn't hear it, would be as harsh as stabbing him in the chest. And I wasn't prepared to hurt Bella that way even if Jacob's ferocity was stronger than Bella's, the fire he released around my heart exploded...he was almost like Bella. Perfect. But not quite. Bella's bitterness was somehow in him. He made me feel remorseful for him.

One more try...

And this might all be over.

* * *

**Done with the chapter. Review? ;) I know. I say this after every chapter. **

**So...how good is this going? Good or not?**

**Gab**


	5. Haunted

**Return of the vampires...yay! Or not so much but there's a lot of nice, Jacob angst. Fresh and ready.  
**

**Chapter 4  
Haunted  
**

_Jacob's POV_

Have you ever felt like you were being trapped?

I was being trapped. By the silence. No way out. No where to go. No where to escape. Just living in the torturing deadly silence. I wanted to scream right then and now, to have them circle and scream at me. Just then, I might hear a spark of a person's words. I might hear something - I didn't care if it was a squeak of a thing - I just wanted to hear. It was driving me crazy. I felt like someone was staring at me - I felt like people were picturing me, helpless little Jacob that couldn't do anything about his reputation! I felt people seeing right through me, exposed through my clothes. A label inked deaf.

The nightmare was at school.

I had walked through the school hallways. People seemed to be laughing, silently laughing, as I looked down at myself. Naked. Exposed truth lay for them. A label ink deaf, a tattoo on my shoulder labeling me. Making me something. A possession that people didn't want. I was no longer human. I was no longer normal. I doubt I can ever get through this. I doubt that someone would love me with that forever ink stuck on my flesh. Their laughter was so silence that I became to scream. I looked like I was screaming but I couldn't hear it. And my heart started to thump in my chest, faster and faster -

I wanted to keep my heart thumping. I didn't care if my mind was being delusional. But I could feel it racing, holding my hand towards my chest, I could feel it racing as quick as possible. Its sharp voice was the only one calling to me and I needed it - to keep accelerating, like my car - thirty heartbeats turned into seventy all too fast and I liked it. I didn't care that I was exposed. My heartbeat was drowning out the silence.

It was drowning out thoughts of the exposure.

I thought I'd drop dead if my heart stopped. So when it started to slow down, I threw my head over my shoulder and started to scream again - no sound, no nothing. My heart was speaking out to them, begging them to listen but they wouldn't. They were so in key to the tattoo on my shoulder to realize that I was silently speaking to them - if they could just hear the way the Cullen boy can hear...if they could just hear...

My eyes slowly opened and I didn't know if there was fear or hate or disgust in my eyes and I suddenly didn't care. I didn't care because no one would care about the fear in my eyes or the hate that I felt for because of how they treated me. They wouldn't care about how disgusted I was of myself.

And as Bella and Edward came forth towards me.

Bella's lips curved into an assuring smile because I was sure I looked like Hell. I ran my fingers through my messy hair, and realized that it was messier than usual. Yeah, I definitely looked like Hell. Didn't matter though. Where was I going? Why should I care? Her hands had a note. I knew that handwriting just by looking at it. That double-crossing back-stabber Sam Uley... _Jacob, I'm giving you another chance. I want you to patrol the border tonight..._my mind couldn't register it and I looked at Bella. I said thank you or tried to. I didn't know how I sounded to her. She slowly nodded her head to ensure I was right. I looked at the bloodsucker.

_Thank you, Cullen._

Edward gave me a simple smile and sat down beside me. Damn it, the vampire reeked. He gave me an apologetic expression and I knew it was for that. And I thought about it. I had a chance but what if I screwed it up? Then what? I'd be haunted. Scared. For life. And I was sure that I needed energy so - I looked at Edward who told Bella what I needed. Sleep to be as alert as possible on the patrol. Even if I had just woke up from my sleep, I still felt tired. Like I'd never slept before in my life. As if the leech's circles were on my face - I wondered how he felt. Alive and livid or tired and oh-I-am-gonna-faint-any-sec-now feeling?

But I realized out of all that...

It was stupid.

I went through sleepless nights and thought I can do the patrol.

But now, I didn't think I can do anything.

Being deaf gave you limits. Gave you things you can't do and things you could do. I thought that everyone was looking at me funny. I thought that everyone felt sorry for me. When all I wanted the hell was to be normal! All I wanted was for someone to assure me I wasn't alone in this. I had my pack before and now, I had no one. No one could understand how it was like to having a silence piercing through you.

It made you feel empty.

It made you feel like you wanted to be filled.

With laughter. With screams. With voices. Just anything.

And now, each thought was an echo through an empty mind. An empty body. And I knew I couldn't help myself. I knew that I was going to be like this for a long time. Maybe forever. And I didn't want to be spend forever in the silence. I'd kill myself before that. I didn't want to spend all my time, wondering if I would ever be normal again. If I would ever feel normal again. Or would I still feel like Sam had ruined my life in a simple note? Would I feel like the vampires were ruining my life with their claws ripping at my human flesh?

My heavy eyelid dropped again even if my thoughts were still cutting in my brain. There was no room for all these thoughts in my brain as I felt the headache come up even in my sleep. I was back, ink in my flesh, but this ink was red - deep red with blood and scratches and there were eyes, there were beautiful piercing golden eyes looking at my shoulder and I didn't know who those eyes belonged to or what they were. And they weren't looking at my body in disgust or amusement, they were looking at my body in affection. My naked body out for those eyes as a smooth, cold hand brushed against my shoulder where the ink was and it was slowly started to heal. The blood was turning black, and the scratches were pink scabs, the blood was gone as the scratches turned into scars. This did scar me for life but the bleeding stopped.

And I looked back at those eyes, I realized who was the owner of such beautiful eyes.

It was my enemy, that bloodsucker, Edward Cullen.

* * *

At the patrol, I tried to be all ears.

But I can't hear anything. The scene was almost a painting around me. Lifeless. All of it. And I couldn't hear any howls or anything. It was funny. It all seemed like a nightmare. Like I was sucked into a movie and nothing felt or smelt or seemed real at all. I turned into my wolf form just in case those vampires thought they could attack me again. I heard their thoughts and for a while, they refilled the silence in my head but they were vague to fill up my empty body. Too vague to satisfy me. It was a dream, distant, not there at all.

_Jake_, Sam started. _Can you hear me?_

_Loud and clear_. God, that was a good lie. It was like soft and weak. Unclear. Almost like I was in a dream. Like he was a dream. _I'll keep you on alert.  
_

And even with the black night hanging its sultry curtains, and the trees glowing dull green, I couldn't feel calm. I felt as if there was something wrong with my mood too. I needed that. I needed to feel like no one's ever going to be like me. Yeah, I needed it real bad. Then, a while later, two teeth dig into my fur as quickly as possible. Just out of nowhere! The shock had turned me from my wolf form and into human form.

_No!_

Teeth bit inside of me. And a shock of pure pain entered in me. Scratching me, destroying me...it was like those flames getting into my flesh, no, worse than that. It was deeper inside of my flesh and the burning didn't stop. It didn't stop no matter what I did. How I wanted to die. How I wanted someone to end this hell of a nightmare. It was like a person was set out to make me feel like a reject. Like I was nothing in this world and like I'd always be nothing and no one.

I didn't want this.

I didn't want this at all.

_Someone save me! _

The acid was burning inside of me. And I could feel the venom enter me deeper and deeper. It was wrapping around my everything, my arteries, my veins, my everything and just destroying and clogging every part of it. I could feel their claws chewing and biting at the soft thin walls of my arteries and I wondered when will this agony stop?! Oh...no...I wanted someone to find me as the darkness started flickering inside of me. I thought I was done for. I thought I was going to die. After all, there can't be so much acid in me and let me live, can there?

_I thought you wanted to die, Black._

And then - _he _was there. He was there with his golden eyes, and pale flesh, fighting them off. Why'd they have to bite me? And how could they stand my scent? They were newborns. I realized. But didn't Cullen say that newborns wouldn't even attack me? Unless, I was there target. I couldn't be their target - can I? And vampire teeth sunk inside of me. And the burning was reaching its peak. But I realized that my heart was accelerating - I treasured every minute of that sound - or mind-trick. I didn't care. It was a sound, piercing loud, as loud as the silence.

It was a 'nice' vampire biting and burning inside of me, but at the same time, he was taking off the pain, the burning, the everything and I wondered if it hurt himself as my fingers set deep into his hair. Only because I thought it was the last thing I could feel. And I whispered those words, "Edward, I'm dying" but I was sure it was so soft that he couldn't hear it. I of course couldn't hear it.

He turned away and wiped the blood off. Disgust ridden in Edward's eyes because of my scent. Cullen? He heard me!

He had heard me...

My eyes were too heavy as they closed up...that darkness again. Didn't it ever speak to me? No, nothing spoke to me. Except for Cullen's eyes. They were caring eyes...they were caring eyes... it repeated in my head until I was completely unconscious.

* * *

As I slowly arose from my sleep, I felt a hand pull me down.

It was smooth and cold. Edward's.

I groaned in protest. And as I looked around, I was back at Billy's. He was looking at me, and spoke to me. I blinked furiously, as Edward explained some fancy explanation. I didn't need to know what he was thinking of - I knew he was backing me up. Wasn't drinking too crazy for him to do though? He had just sucked the venom out, I knew but he must've been crazy! And Edward nodded to me slowly before continuing with his explanation to Billy. And I saw how hard Billy's face turned.

And he scribbled something furiously onto a paper that Edward had lent him. He was a walking notebook now.

He threw it towards me.

_You don't belong in that pack anymore, Jacob._

I could see that he didn't want to help me either.

My own father...

Just what I needed. More loneliness.

And as Edward held my head, I was sure I looked crazed. He flinched as if I'd slapped him and stepped back. He knew I needed my space. Who wouldn't? After discovering that I freaking didn't belong because I was deaf? He leaned towards me and my hand balled into fists, I hit Edward. As hard as possible. Only because he was the only one who seemed to do nothing about it. He opened his eyes towards me. No shock. No surprise. No nothing. He stood up, touched my face and said something too inaudible. I nodded my head even if I didn't know what was he saying at all.

A ripped note in his hands. _Jacob, I accept your apology._

I was going to apologize. He heard my thoughts I guess so he understood me. In his weird vampire way, he understood me. That was good enough so why didn't it feel good enough?

* * *

**This chapter seems fine. I like it. Oh, and you're right about Jacob turning into a vampire but did this chapter affect your judgement? Or was there something that made you change your mind?**

**;) Gab**


	6. Welcome Home

**Sorry for not updating sooner. Oh and I have 2 one-shots. One long and one just fine. In my opinion, 'Relative and Insane' is better but I love them all! Someone read them. I worked hard on them...harder than I worked on this chapter...*whistles***

**Chapter 5  
Welcome Home**

_Edward's POV_

I watched him.

I watched the beautiful flesh of his body - **_no, no, Edward don't think like that!_** But I couldn't stop thinking like this. It was as if I had seen him for the first time. A wake up call and - **_oh God, you're just confused. You have Bella. She'll make it all better._** My thoughts were screeching at me as I looked at Jacob, and nothing seemed to accept him anymore. Anything but me and Bella. Bella was even turning all sulky and depressed and I hated it. I hated seeing her suffer as well, hated seeing her thick eyelashes blink with that type of pulsing pain. I knew it was wrong to care about Bella more since I knew every single thought Jacob wanted to trap away from the world.

He couldn't succeed. And now, the heavy scent of beautiful spring was gone from his air. He had nothing else. No flower to create, no grass to care for, because he didn't know if he could take care of it. My mind flashed to the recent events and just by licking the base of my tongue, I realized how distasteful all of this tasted like. How delicious his blood was but how distasteful the scent of his body was, somehow, slowly, quickly intoxicating me into the death in his head.

I know that I could taste him. Tasted the agony. The misery. Tasted the pain. Twice. And then, I touched his face. He looked up at me, anger in his eyes, and I heard his thoughts. _You made me do this! You made me the freaking laughing stock of the entire pack! You-you-you were supposed to make me feel better. Not break me down. I knew there wasn't anything good about you, bloodsuckers!_ And right then, he stood up and stormed off.

That second, there was a thought that questioned everything.

_Did anyone love me?_

And I knew that there were two answers to that questions. His pack did. Bella did.

But he wouldn't believe himself.

Great. What a way to welcome him home.

* * *

I told Bella everything and her big brown eyes turned into twinkles. She looked like she was going to cry. Her color paled slightly of shock of what I'd done for him, but she loved that I was supported someone so close to her, and then she let the tears spill. She grabbed onto my neck and the tears soak my shoulder. I touched her hair. I hated seeing her in pain. I'd do anything to see her out of this. She was hurting me too. She was hurting me all too much and hurting herself even more. I touched her hair, stroking it softly as she sobbed and cried her tears to Jacob Black.

If I could cry, I might've cried for him too.

But I didn't think he'd want them. "Bella," I whispred into her ear, "I will help him through this. I will help you through this."

And she let out a final sob before collapsing into a sleep into my arms. Her peaceful face was so beautiful at sleep. I wanted that face to be as happy as possible all the time. I layed her down onto her bed and thought about leaving her. But I told her I'd help her. That I'd help Jacob. So I ran, I ran as fast as I could've - to search for where Jacob Black might've gone. He wasn't in La Push, of course. It brought him too much pain.

I thought for seconds on end, as I ran my way towards the park and saw him stand by a tree, looking around, and whispering to himself about something. Sighing then whispering again because he thoughts that the thoughts were in his head. He couldn't hear what he was seeing and apparently, he didn't feel like his lips were moving at all. He thought no oen could hear him.

They couldn't.

But every thought, every word, was a bullet to anyone's head.

I ran towards him, and his eyes turned in rage towards me. "Leave me alone," he told me.

"I won't." Then he looked at me in confusion again but rage in there too much to care about what I was saying. He was snapping at me. He wanted to kill me in some way with those vicious stares and those vengeful snarls - I could feel that he didn't want my presence at all but I had grown attached to him. Somehow supported of what he was going through so my hand grabbed onto his, and he threatened to Phase under his breath.

People were too into their own troubles to notice.

I twisted his arm tightly and jerked him towards the alley. And everything was completely dark as I rammed his body against the wall. His eyes were too vengeful again. "Leave me alone!" he screeched at me but he knew he couldn't hear himself. I could hear every thought in his mind. _Did I tell him off yet?_ and I pinned him harshly onto the wall. He knew what I wanted. And I thought for a moment about what I can give him.

_No one can love me..._

Love? Was that what he wanted?

My hands went to my eyes, and then to my chest - and at that time where my hand was farthest away from him, he broke out. And ran off again before my hand grabbed onto his arm again. Why did he want to get out so badly? There was nothing wrong with being here. Alone. In the dark. Talking. Thinking. He was too tired to go wolf and a lot of people would've noticed a beast in the alley.

His body limped slightly as he fell into my arms. And for a while, I let him sleep. Instead of me holding Bella. And the guilt was there. I wanted it to go away.

_Leave me alone...leave me alone..._

I wanted to give him his wishes. But at the same time, I had to make him happy. I had to make Bella happy.

I said I would.

And I would. No matter what it took.

_Edward...oh..._

My train of thought trailed off. What had he said?

He moaned with pleasure.

_Edward...baby..._

He was cooing with my name.

Was he gay? I stroked his hair absent-minded and stopped myself when I realized what I was doing. He was breathing so beautifully, so perfectly and God, it stuck every nerve in my brain. It might've been as beautiful as Bella. I could see why Bella was appealing to him. He did look a lot like Seth, a child with no idea of the world. And I continued to stroke his hair. It was comfort after all. It wasn't like kissing or hugging. That was different.

I pretended to shun his gay thoughts but managed to get a little bit of that fantasy.

It wasn't too bad.

But nothing could compare to me and Bella, could it?

I was confused.

Did I love him? Did I hate him? What was I supposed to do with or without him? And I knew that after this, I was taking him to Carlisle. One way or another.

* * *

**I know. Not long. Didn't seem to be good. Still review? ;)**

**Gab**


	7. Overreaction

**Sorry. This story was on hold. It still is. **

**Just that I'm updating for once. ;)**

**Chapter 6  
Overreaction**

When I woke up the next day, I was still in the bloodsucker's arms.

I didn't know why I kept seeing this disturbing images of Edward, naked and beautiful. Priceless. I turned my head so that my head landed on his lap. This was sorta nice. Maybe being a dog wasn't so bad. I remembered that I was deaf and that made me curl my tongue in my mouth and bite it several times before I took the fact and just repeated to myself that I wanted to die. Edward was staring at me. He read my thoughts. In my sleep.

Edward slowly threw me off. He said those words I couldn't hear but I knew what he was saying. I was starting to understand these "language".

_I love Bella._

He was saying it over and over. It was hard to miss.

I turned my face away. He didn't need me. No one needed me. Why was I trying to hide that?

I jumped upwards and left.

He looked at me, completely confused, and I said the words that were on my mind. I can almost listen to me saying them. "Bella. You love Bella." I wanted my voice. I wanted to sound beautiful and vicious, to snarl at him. I couldn't. So I ran. I ran and ran and ran and ran until my feet couldn't take it and I broke down onto the floor but by the time I looked up, there were these golden eyes.

Everywhere.

I was trapped.

I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to cry from the fear that was bubbling inside of me. I ripped a leaf off of a tree and looked at it. Red. Blood red. I tried to call for help but I didn't know if it was working at all. I didn't know where I was. I wanted a bottle of alcohol to knock myself with. I wanted people to think I died a idiotic drunk. I didn't want them to remember me as deaf Jacob Black. Anything but that. That was my worst nightmare.

A boy who can't hear got killed.

I didn't want to be known as "deaf".

Labels.

I hated them. I hated being known as the poor soul that couldn't speak and one minute later, those golden eyes all turned into one being. I was hallucinating the golden eyes! It was because of the freaking sun. I watched as the being approached me. Bella.

And I didn't know what she was doing here. She had a look of depression on her face.

And she threw me against the wall and kissed me.

It was a kiss tangled with only one emotion. Pity.

She didn't love me. No one really cared about how I felt other than the bloodsucker and he loved Bella. She was kissing me because she wanted me to feel how apologetic she was for my condition.

Silently, Edward Cullen watched from a tree. His eyes filled with pain and his face as pale as the moon.

Moon?

Why did I deny it?

That minute. I knew I was falling for Edward damn him Cullen.

**I know it's short.**

**But at least I updated. Sorry for the shortness. Review?  
**

**;) Gab**


	8. Confusion

**I know I put it on hold. But I'll update now. The chapters may be shorter now, a lot shorter but it's only because I'm trying to update. Short or a million pages long, it's still an update, right? And don't worry. You'll see more of it.**

**I'm just really stuck for it. I keep getting these million ideas but not knowing exactly what to write.**

**Chapter 7**

**Confusion**

**Edward's POV**

I stood there, watching my Bella willingly kiss Jacob and I didn't know how angry I was. I knew I told her that if she had chosen to be with Jacob, I wouldn't care but now, looking at the scene in front of my eyes, knowing that Jacob had liked me and not Bella, I said the words. As harsh as they were.

"Bella!" I shouted.

She twisted her head to look at me and I knew that the guilt on her face had made me pain even more inside because I had caught her. Jacob was staring at the ground and I knew his thoughts, oh so well. _I'm all worthless. Of course Bella just loves him. I even love him…_his head pounded with pain at the last thought.

"He doesn't even love you anymore, Bella!"

Jacob's head shot up, twisted and dull, and he was alert that I had just said something wrong. I knew that he knew the words 'love' and 'Bella' and horror reeled in me as I realized that Jacob knew when 'doesn't' and he could make up the sentence all by himself now.

His eyes filled with pain and he looked down at the floor. _I understand, Edward. I really am worthless. I really am nothing to you and to Bella_. And I watched as he stood there, just too tired to move, just so hurt to think and his heart broken without a word really uttering out of his mouth.

Nobody else's thoughts mattered.

Bella's face was rigid with pain. "Edward, you—is that true?" she turned her head to Jacob who didn't understand anything as he blinked, walking towards me oh so slowly, and waiting as I wrote the words. I told Bella that you didn't love her anymore. She was asking you if it's true. And even though I knew he knew the first part, I gave him the piece of paper.

_I know I can't hear this but_—Jacob had started, looking at me, pain and agony and desolation filling his eyes. "I've never loved Bella. She was just a substitute for you, Edward." And his voice was low and he didn't even know it.

"Well, consider this my goodbye, Edward Cullen!" Bella screamed. "I hate you!" And even though I knew it wasn't true, it still hurt like a knife as she ran off from me and there she went, the most perfect girl in the world, just because I was a little confused about my sexuality.

_Edward…_

I looked at Jacob with hard eyes. I could feel that I was looking at him harshly. He jumped up.

I grabbed onto the paper, ripped a part of it, and wrote it in before crumpling it and letting it fall to the floor. And as he read it, I already knew what the words I had written _you're ruining my life, Jacob Black. Get the hell out of it_. I never cursed. I didn't like cursing.

But he tempted me to do it.

I could see his eyes looking at me, staring at me, I knew he felt as if his life was burning into pieces—after all, he was no longer a werewolf right now and he was no longer part of Sam's pack.

Though a part of me believed that he had deserved this. As if he had committed a horrible sin. A part of me always wanted to run back and hold him until his pain disappeared.

I couldn't.

Because I knew that all I wanted to do was try and convince Bella to think otherwise of me. I wanted Bella back—yet I was falling for Jacob. But I didn't want to. I tried to deny these feelings.

I didn't know how to.

I wanted to freaking shout at him but he didn't do anything.

I wanted to die but I was already dead. I had never been so confused in my life. I had never had thoughts like this before. Thoughts of confusion and anger and just pure pain stabbing at me so forcefully and as I laid down on the couch that night, thinking and thinking, my thoughts only being on Jacob, Alice had walked inside of the room and her eyes were confused.

"I think that there's something wrong with my powers, Edward," she said, confusion dipping through her voice and I knew that I was going to hate what was going to come. She sat down beside me. She was concerned and worried and even though the thoughts of Jacob had been burning a hole in me, I still needed to know what Alice was about to say.

"Is that so? What's wrong, Alice?"

The next few words I was about to hear had changed my life in ways I cannot imagine. It made me regret so many words I'd said. It made me regret so many things I've done to Jacob because it had caused curiosity and fear and disgrace fill me whole.

"I saw Jacob in my visions, Edward."

**You'll understand more as I explain into it. But until now, I hope that this chapter satisfies some of my readers. I know I haven't updated in a hell of a long time but trust me, you'll see more of this story for sure. Short chapters but more of it.**

**;) Sam**


	9. What am I?

**Oh, I updated. Just like I told you.**

**Short chapter. Just like I told you.**

**Chapter 8**

**What am I?**

**Jacob's POV**

What the hell am I?

That day, as I woke up, I threw up so hard that my lungs were going to pop out and I was doing it on the streets. I couldn't go back to Billy and the pack didn't know. Bella wouldn't listen to me and I was forever trapped into this world of silence. It was burning up inside of me.

Pain engulfed me so much and I just wanted to die. I wanted to die just right then on the streets. I spent my days running away from the cops because I didn't want them to put me in a foster home.

I wanted to be all alone.

But I had no where in the world.

I didn't know what I was at all.

I thought I was this sort of monster before. A werewolf. But now, I couldn't even Phase. It was hard. I just stopped Phasing and my body got paler and whenever someone would ask me a question, I'd just say "I'm deaf" but never really hear those words.

I was a disaster.

I didn't have my hearing.

I didn't have my heart.

I didn't have a home.

I was all alone and no one in the world cared. I suddenly missed being a werewolf. I didn't know what I was. But I knew that I wasn't human. And now, hungry as hell, I slowly turned to the nearest drugstore and looked for anything to eat, and I didn't know what I picked as I laid it down and they checked it out.

They spoke words but I didn't know what they were saying and I felt like a complete idiot. I hit my head on the counter and pulled out money. It was annoying. Not hearing a word.

I was just so very exposed to them all.

I was striding through the darkness and it was silent. It was all a silent hell for me. I wanted to go home and curl up in my bed and cry but I couldn't because I couldn't bear to tell Billy that I wasn't a werewolf anymore.

I spent that night, sitting on a swing in the playground, and I couldn't take it anymore, I let the tears fall and I was so destroyed on the inside and my heart was exploding with pain and agony and terror.

And a cop caught me. Charlie.

He asked me questions but I couldn't hear anything as he picked up a piece of paper and wrote in it and handed it to me, knowing very well that I can't read. And as the hot stinging tears fell, I couldn't read either.

I threw the paper on the floor and he just said a few words. I had been obsessing over foster homes for so long tat I could make out that he was saying 'foster home' and I didn't let anything else be told. I ran. I ran as fast as I could and I felt the pain rip through me as I fell and tumbled and broke all over again.

I was in the forest again and as I laid my head on the floor, I let myself be drowned in pain. No one cared about my life. Why should I? I stood up, still feeling exposed beyond belief and looked around.

I was alone.

It was dark.

It was late.

I was scared.

I fell down and saw a head pop out of nowhere and I didn't know what he was but his scent was beautiful. He walked towards me and I realized that he was a vampire just by seeing his golden eyes.

His scent—beautiful?

My stomach sloshed and my head spun and I threw up right there and I knew that the food I had ate had been thrown out too and I looked back at him, feeling so confused and I just wanted to run home and no one really cared and I—needed someone to save me.

I needed help.

Please?

No one could listen to my pleas.

I can't even listen to them.

And as he walked towards me, I walked back, and he looked at me, his eyes were mischievous and he was saying words but I didn't hear any of them. And he turned so annoyed that he pushed me up a tree and his fingers were scratching me and all of a sudden, Edward Cullen appeared out of nowhere and threw the vampire away. Edward looked at scratch marks that were on me, not like he cared.

He grabbed onto me and helped me up and looked at me but I didn't want to hear anything coming out of his mouth after the pain he let burn through me and ignite in me and destroy me into nothingness.

He took out a piece of paper and there were those words on it.

_Jacob…Alice can see you in her visions. I need to figure out what's wrong._

I looked at him, knowing that he could hear all my thoughts so I let the thoughts swirl into my head, explode my head and I didn't care what he could or couldn't hear from the tornado of thoughts that was twisting through my head.

_What the hell am I?_

_Why should I help you?_

_You know what you said about me._

_Why should I help you, damn vampire?_

And the last one was one I tried not to let it escape but it did anyways and I knew it did because I could see his eyes filling with pity and pain. I was just a little puppy dog for him to take care of. I knew that.

_You broke my heart, Edward Cullen. After I trusted you with it!_

**Is that nice?**

**;) Sam**


	10. Look Outside

**To some of you—I had read a lot of you guys' reviews and a lot of you had explained that Jacob cannot turn into a vampire if he's a werewolf. I **_**will**_** explain this. :D Because I love supernatural weird stuff.**

**I will always probe deeper into Jacob and Edward's love so we know about Jacob's feelings as one of you had said about the "you're just a replacement for Bella" thing. :)**

**Chapter 10**

**Look Outside**

**Edward's POV**

I didn't understand.

Jacob was a werewolf. Not a vampire. Out of everything but after Alice had told me about her vision, I saw it a clear possibility and talking with Carlisle, he had told me to get a blood sample which I inevitably had because out of everything, Jacob's a heavy sleeper and when I had asked Carlisle for results, he had explained it all and my mind was just spinning with confusion

"Do you remember when you sucked out the venom from Jacob's body during his shift when the vampires had returned?" Carlisle had asked me and the only thing I could've done was nod my head. "You see, they are not ordinary vampires, the 'venom' they had excreted in Jacob's body wasn't poison to Jacob's body and Jacob had absorbed it—almost as if they had wanted Jacob to turn into a vampire for some odd reason. I had realized that their target was Jacob and specifically Jacob."

I didn't understand anything as he continued to talk and all I could do was try and digest the information.

"For these vampires are called The Innovative. They are a special group of vampires who drink blood, but are different in so many ways, like they can go out in the sunlight like humans. They sleep in the daylight and go out in the night. Their babies are born humans—not really humans, shape shifters, and you know that shape shifters can take their body in any form—for The Innovative, they choose to keep their children planted in ordinary humans, live an ordinary life until they find it's time for one to go. That's exactly what Jacob is. An Innovative."

My head was spinning so quickly that nothing he said made any sense and I could taste his amusement in my mouth as he continued to explain further. "Jacob had been an experiment for many of their kind. They had paired up an Innovative woman with a man who they assumed to be human. After Jacob had begun his transformation, they knew that something had been wrong. A shape shifter of their kind had control of their power and they had always transformed into vampires and stuck that way and they figured out Billy's history. Jacob was supposed to shape shift into a vampire, not a werewolf but unlike most werewolves, he has that repressed vampire gene in him."

I tried to digest it now that it was slightly less confusing and as I nodded my head, Carlisle smiled at his success before he continued.

"When they had attacked Jacob that night, they had intended to return him into who he really is. A vampire of their kind, one that traveled, drinking only from their pack—every week, a vampire of their kind is sacrificed to kill and drink blood. The blood supply lasts for a week before they have to kill another. Those vampire women have the ability to make children and they reproduce many children at once and the weakest one is scarified. They had always been a legend, and I never really thought that they were real until I analyzed Jacob's blood."

"Um…Carlisle, if Jacob's an Innovative, why is he so alike to the werewolves? The Phasing? The transformation? The thought exchange?" I asked. If Jacob's true destiny was to be with a vampire, then it didn't make any sense that Jacob was a good werewolf.

"You see. When a male and a female mate, the man's genes are more dominant most of the time. Same thing here. The werewolf gene was still in him, and that was what they wanted to do, illuminate the werewolf gene—that's why they attacked at first place. And to make him into a vampire—that's why they attacked him a second time. For Innovatives, the transformations are slow. Once you illuminate the gene, you have to wait until the blood is illuminated as well. When there are no signs of werewolf genes or blood, just a fresh new human—and then, the vampire transformation begins, the vampire genes take act. They have an "on" and "off" switch."

I digested this all and it suddenly made sense but the question still remained about the vampires themselves. "What makes them different from us? How are they different?"

"Same way as vampires are different from werewolves, genes. Their genes are structured and coded differently." Carlisle responded.

"Why don't they show themselves until now? What makes Jacob so special that they expose their existence for?" I asked.

"I'm afraid that I do not know how to answer that question," Carlisle said. "I may know about the Innovative but not much about Jacob's mother's history yet to link his connection to them."

I nodded my head. "Once you figure it out, let me know…"

And now, I was thinking of Jacob. And how much he loved me. He had a straight forward affection for me. But why? "How do the Innovative mate?" that question had caught Carlisle off guard as he let out a laugh.

"A true Innovative never really mates. He falls in sickness. For the Innovative, falling in love is a sickness. They don't. Whenever an Innovative acts like he or she wants love, he'd say anything just to get you into bed only because they need to produce children. They need to feed themselves after all."

That explained everything.

It explained why Jacob was so very attached to me, was so very in love with my all of a sudden, why he had told me that Bella was a replacement for me but in it all, I felt as if he had stabbed my heart as well. "Can male Innovatives want this?"

"Jacob's attached to you?" Carlisle blinked, though he knew it the entire time. He only wanted to be sweet towards me as I nodded my head to answer his already answered question. "Jacob's attached to you for children. Some Innovative males have that ability—to become pregnant with a child whether he knows it or not. It's the hormones in his blood that make him do the things he does. It's to survive into the world."

I felt my blood boil.

Was that was I to him? Even if he didn't know it, Jacob was truly a mongrel. Had he really wanted me only to make our child then kill and slay it for its blood?

**Look outside of your world, Jacob Black, you know that you'll see me, broken as I am, shattered and destroyed as I am, staring back. Do you really want me to take you to bed?**

This explained just everything.

How he never liked me.

Then suddenly, after he had become deaf, he was all over me, in love with me, and so his mind tricked him, made him delusional, made him want me—and it had ruined Bella and mine's relationship.

The blood still stirred, hot, boiling steaming hot and I knew that anyone in my position would have acted this why. I was a tool to him that he'd throw away. And even if he didn't know it, even if he didn't see it, he was breaking me so inevitably. It just made me feel so very used.

"What if one does fall in love?" I finally said.

"Impossible. Their live are blood and death, slaying and drinking blood, they would never love and they had always learned how to hate. I don't that Jacob's any different now that he's adjusting to the Innovatives' hormones. He'll be one of them and you'll never see him again."

Somehow, that thought had left me confused, scared, and anxious and terrified—"never see him again"—was I in denial that I was falling in love with him? No. That could not be the case. I couldn't be in love with him.

Because he'd never fall in love with me.

Where was I in this cruel world put in? To fall in love with someone as cruel as Jacob Black? Maybe I could change him. Maybe I could turn him into one of us, a vegetarian, maybe he could be different. He was different from his kind, wasn't he? He had a human father instead of an Innovative father, would that make any difference? Any change?

Would it?

God help me.

Make me hate him all over again.

How big was this hole I'd fallen into?

And can I get out?

That explains it. I think.

**Anyways, yes, don't bother looking it up on the internet, all of this is my creation because...I just like to, okay? :D It will be clear more and more about the Innovative in the upcoming chapters.**

**Review?**

**;) Sam**


	11. Where’s Spring?

**Thanks. I hoped that some will like the new twist I put in the story. I thought you'd all turn away. You guys rock! :D**

**Chapter 11**

**Where's Spring?**

**Jacob's POV**

I sat here, confused.

My stomach was twisting acid knots and nausea and uneasiness and my head was pounding and exploding and burning all my thoughts into crippled nothingness as I lay down onto the forest floor, where everything looked like a painting, and I was the ugliest part of it.

No sounds.

No water running down, no wind rushing, no sounds of little creatures, squirrels, flies, bees, no nothing—just a supposed real painting for a boy like me. I let out a whisper. Calling the name that had always been in my mind, Edward Cullen's.

No sound.

The painting stayed the same, the trees were all standing tall and happy, with leaves shaded green, and bits of yellow caressing the green and the green grass under me was pricking my body but it all seemed like a scene from a movie, a painted horror movie and I was waiting for the next attack.

I screamed the name and there he was, standing, the most real creature in a painted picture and he held his hands out, helping me, looking at me like I was an entirely different person and as I looked down to see his hands on mine, my hands were pale, but my neckline was all russet and looking at the water that hadn't been far away, my face was paling but it was russet. I knew it all too well.

But I wasn't a vampire. I can't be a vampire. I was a werewolf.

Or what was I?

Edward's face was calm and I knew that he was always calm and sometimes, it made me sick knowing that he was that way and I couldn't be. He slipped a piece of paper in my hand and I looked at it.

Still feeling disabled and immobilized mentally, I opened it with two shaking hands and looked at the perfect handwriting and my stomach sloshed with uneasiness, and my head pounded with fury as I read the words that had made my heart pound in my chest, faster and faster and faster with each word.

_I need to tell you something. Would you care to discuss it with a walk towards the park? It's quite important and I need to ease your tension first._

I nodded my head as I let the piece of paper fall out of my hands. He reached out for my hand and I let it fall easily, as if I had done it with him a hundred times. His body, his mouth, his heart—it was like chocolate, sweet and bitter, and I wanted to bite through, each and every bite.

When we were walking, people were staring.

I knew why.

The all so tattered and ragged boy with perfection standing next to him. How'd he do that? I didn't and they knew it. Girls blew kisses but he barely paid attention. He had his own worries and concerns and I knew none of it was about me and when we had reached the park, he sat on the bench and patted the seat next to him.

When I sat down, my first intent was to look around.

It was all the same painted picture, all over again, all the green grass that was invisibly prickling me, and I could feel it. The painted bench had its color chipped off, and it was like hard wood against my back. It was the same picture painted all over again, green leaves with yellow hints on trees and I knew that I was the same person.

The same deaf boy.

He had rolled a piece of paper on my lap and I opened it up.

_Jacob, I need to tell you this._

_You were supposed to be a vampire. You're not human. You're not a werewolf. Those people that have attacked you that was your family and I'm sorry to tell you this but you don't love me. You only think you do because it's your nature. You want a child, Jake. You want blood. You need to be fed…but I'll change you. I'll change you as hard as I try, Jacob Black. And I won't leave you like this._

I looked up at him and saw that he meant it, honesty in his eyes, and I knew that he didn't need to say a word to know that what he meant was real but I shook my head. I denied it because it wasn't true. I can't be a vampire. I was a werewolf. I could Phase. I could—

In the middle of it all, my stomach twisted and I found myself throwing up, over and over, feeling acid burn my throat and my head was spinning and Edward's arms were wrapped around my waist as he brought me close and pulled me on his lap, making me look at the now black sky.

I looked around.

All the same picture painted again. Just darker.

Dark green leaves on trees with hints of bright green, dark green grass that prickled, but his eyes—always remained the same, no color change, brilliant honey eyes that burned inside of my core.

And they'll always burn.

And even if this place was filled with flowers and green grass and blooming trees, I had to ask myself—where's spring? I was trapped into this icy world and no one can get me out and I was trapped into this icy world and I was freezing on the inside. I was so cold.

So cold…

I was alone.

Edward never understood how I felt. I did have feelings for him. Didn't I? What was this feeling inside of me of wanting to rip my heart out for him? What was this feeling inside of me that made me want to scream my heart out for him? What was this feeling inside of me that made me want to tear up and cry at his knees just because he told me that I didn't love him?

I was all alone.

I was scared.

What was I? Who was I? I didn't know anyone anymore. I was so into this world of horror that I didn't know anything else and I didn't know anyone else. And I was so trapped that I couldn't surge out if I tried. And as Edward stared down at me, with those never changed eyes, I knew that I was always lost and that he wanted to find me but—he couldn't.

I was reckless.

I was swerving off the road I was always going to, where everything seemed safe and never too dangerous and entering this new road where cars crashed and where hearts collided and where everything twisted in blood and I was in a deadly game I couldn't get out of and I couldn't stop playing even if it was to save my life. I wanted Edward Cullen.

…_so cold…_

**Not too bad, right?**

**Review?**

**;) Sam**


	12. A Day Out

**And there is suspense here. In my point of view anyways.**

**Chapter 12**

**A Day Out**

**Edward's POV**

Flashes were spitting and splattering in Jacob's minds. Images spitting out, images cut, blurry ones, clear ones, and his hands were gripping and clutching at my lap, holding me as tight as he could've which meant that pain was swallowing me as much as it swallowed him.

Pain swallowed his heart.

_Jacob being born, his eyes flashed confusion, his mother's eyes glittered golden, beautiful golden under her fake green contact lenses as she brought Jacob close to her, stroking the nape of his neck, looking back at Billy who simply gave her a smile of success_—

… "**He's perfect."**

"**He'll be the most intriguing vampire. A truly interesting one."…**

—_year old Jacob looking up at a vampire, with golden eyes that were turning liquid topaz as the vampire reached to examine Jacob's face, feeling the warmth in it, feeling the humanity that was bubbling through him—_

"**This child has his mother's face."**

—_cries and screams can be heard as three vampires touch two year old Jacob's chest, feeling his heartbeat, pulse, soft and steady, human, and then pounding loudly, scared—_

"**He's scared."**

—_five year old Jacob's skin turns hot, his heart beat turns faster, he stays in his bed, feeling as if he's burning into nothingness—_

"**This child's skin is very hot."**

"**This child's a werewolf. I can make out the scent right now."**

"**She had betrayed us."**

—_she's laying onto the floor, with the six year old boy being hugged towards her, her fingers running down his hair, tears rolling off Jacob's face—_

"**It's the child's fault that she's dead."**

"**Yes, truly. We will be back when the child's mature enough to be turned into a vampire without dying."**

"**Yes."**

When he had woken up, he was so tense that he couldn't get his words out and he was sweating so rapidly as he looked up at me and his thoughts were all I needed to know that he believed it was only a nightmare. Not horrible memories of his scary, broken and shattered past.

_I'm not a vampire. I'm not supposed to be one._

I wrapped my arms around Jacob's body, and I took out a pen and a piece of paper that I always carried around now, and as I wrote a few sentences as fast as possible, I let the paper fall down towards the bench and Jacob had grabbed onto it before it flew away.

He looked at it with interest and trying to push back the thoughts of him being a vampire and his heart was beating and I could feel his pulse as I gripped onto his body.

He was so very real that I could've believed that he wasn't a vampire.

He had a pulse. He could sleep and he could eat.

When he had read my note, he had nodded his head. In the note, I had asked if I could spend the day with him because I wanted to push his thoughts away and forget about it all because we needed an escape. We were trapped into this world of horror and blood and vampires and werewolves that we forgot that we were just people in this world who were fighting for an escape.

We were just the devil's puppets in this world, him playing around with is, making us weak and vulnerable, feeding on our weaknesses and breaking us in ways we cannot imagine—we needed an escape.

I needed an escape from thoughts of him thinking that my love for him was a sickness.

I took him out for breakfast since he could still eat. I realized that Innovative transformations were slow and steady because Jacob was pale, but he was slowly pale, and he was so very slowly turning into a vampire and I hated watching it. I walked as Jacob ordered a ton of food—probably what he used to do as a werewolf because he could eat a lot.

By two to three bites, he took a swig of sweet tea and after he finished a sandwich, he took the food away from him, finishing the tea until the last drop and my eyes were staring at the tea like it was blood—I could see blood running inside of Jacob's mouth instead of tea.

Jacob put the cup down and stood up, looking dizzy as he reached his hand out for me and I wanted to hold onto it, to feel his now cold flesh touch mine, but I didn't do it. I knew that I was breaking his heart but I can't have him doing this. I can't let him change his personality all of a sudden, without his acceptance of who he really was.

And as we walked out of the place, slowly circling around the building, just letting the silence pass between us, I stopped when I heard a sudden chorus of laughter. Jacob was still looking down, not thinking of anything and just trying to get lost into his own little world where only he and I existed.

I looked to see Paul, Embry, Sam, Quil, Jared and Seth and Jacob looked up, suddenly as frozen as ice, in place, no word slipping off his tongue but now, he was suddenly pulled back in a reality he didn't want to be in.

"Hey, Jake."

Jacob could slowly piece the words together and he was slowly learning how to read words without hearing them, just by the motion of the person's mouth and it took time for him to get it digested but he said in a small voice "hello" but he didn't even know if it was loud or tiny voiced. I felt sorrow for him and I knew why. He was all such a broken little glassy eyed puppy dog waiting for my help.

"He not deaf anymore?"

"He is," I responded as Jacob watched and tried to piece together our words. "He's just learning how to put the words together without hearing them."

"Well then, hope he can hear this," Paul started, having Jacob look concentrated as his face relaxed when he got the words together. "He's pathetic."

And as the words processed into Jacob's mind, I heard a thought that had blocked their thoughts. _I know_. And how much I wanted to hold him and tell him that he wasn't, but it wouldn't do any good. He still wouldn't be able to hear the words. He still wouldn't be able to shake the pretend feeling of wanting me to sleep with him.

"And man, there's something wrong for him for thinking that he's good enough for another try," Jared added on, making Quil and Embry look at him in disgust.

"Tell you what—how about a challenge?" Paul asked.

It took Jacob a while before he put the words together then he nodded his head almost confidently but inside, he was just breaking inside. _I'll lose anyways_. He just wanted to feel powerful, even for a moment because he was completely and utterly weak.

"Fine. You and me. In the forest. Right now. Let's fight."

And as Jacob pieced the words together, his eyes tattered with pain and doubt and I wanted to tell him to quit but he wouldn't listen to what I had to say and I knew it from the thoughts that had been barreling through his head as he took a quick, swift nod and moments later, we were standing in the forest.

I knew I had made a big mistake right then.

**Reviews make me update!**

**Review?**

**;) Sam**


	13. Break

**There. The next chapter! :D**

**Chapter 13**

**Break**

**Jacob's POV**

I didn't know why I was standing here, why I agreed to this, but I had and it was all my fault. I knew that I should've listened to that look on Edward's face but I didn't and I felt my stomach slosh with nausea and twist with acid knots and burn with a fire that I couldn't stop.

I was nauseous.

I was clod.

I was burning into nothingness and I got myself into this mess that I can't barrel through at all. I wanted to run away but then they'd think I was a coward. They were my friends—or at least I wanted to pretend that this was just a friendly fight as I tried to Phase.

I couldn't.

I had so much fire and anger in me but I couldn't Phase. I had anger for Sam for doing this to me. I had fire for Embry and Quil because they were just watching, not doing anything about it and Seth—why was Seth just standing there, not saying anything about it? Waiting for it all to start? And Jared, too? Why did they hate me? But I still couldn't Phase.

When Paul Phased, he attacked me, vicious and quick, my head was spinning and my body went out of control with pain and misery and ripping hate and destroying agony and I was on the floor so very quickly with thoughts that cut themselves off and memories flashed through my eyes.

—_the six year old boy stands towards his mother's bed and he pounces up and down and up and down and he shakes her shoulder and her eyes slowly open and they're staring at each other and she's smiling and he's smiling back and she looks tired._

"_Jacob, are you hungry?" he nods his head as she takes him, holds him and runs her fingers through his hair, she walks downstairs and notices that there's an empty house and she's not surprised as she puts Jacob down onto the chair and puts a bowl of cereal in front of him._

_He eats once, twice, three times, three bites, he looks up to see her sad face. "Mommy, why are you so sad? Is it because Daddy's always out and he's sick? Did I do something?" and she shakes her head, having tears roll down her face from the secret that she's been keeping away from the little child and Jacob drops the spoon down._

"_I hate seeing you sad."—_

And pain ripped and swallowed my toes and they were moving to my legs which now felt paralyzed and I didn't know if I can walk ever again as I stared at a ragging Paul.

Everything seemed so blurry and so faded and I was so very jaded into my own little world of horror and agony and twisted pain.

—_six year old Jacob sees as his mother holds onto him, she's hearing voices and she knows why and as she brings him close to him. She looks around protectively. "Don't let anyone think that you're crazy, Jake," she grips tight around him and he knows that it's because she knows that people are going to call him crazy._

_She's crazy._

_That's what Billy's not around much. It's because of the insanity that's rushing and bubbling through her and Jacob seems not to mind that. Rachael and Rebecca are always out and are rarely home. It's always this empty house and an empty head and an empty heart._

"_Mommy—?" he lets out a scared whimper and she knows that they're closing in and she knows why._

"_DON'T LET ANYONE THINK THAT YOU'RE INSANE, JACOB!" she repeats, holding him as tight and as close as possible, almost suffocating him, almost making him cry out in pain as the entire world turns suddenly black for him and there are those weird golden eyed creatures, all standing in one place, all eyeing their prey—_

—I couldn't really see much but Paul's enraged eyes and I tried Phasing but even the rage was gone and with it only searing agony residing and lingered into my body as I felt it shoot from my toes to my legs to my stomach which twisted acid inside of it and it didn't stop as Paul's claws dug in my chest.

Phase.

I didn't. I couldn't.

It felt like eternity when Paul had hurt me but it had been just a few moments ago, and it didn't take more than a breath for Paul to do what he'd done.

—_She dropped her child when they had attacked her. He fell on his face, felt the pain throb for a while as he looked towards her to see that the vampires were attacking his mother, right in front of his eyes and Jacob saw as they ripped and destroyed as her green contact lenses burned acid and all that was left were pure golden eyes that had struck pain in Jacob's eyes, seeing such an odd color—_

—Edward rushed towards Paul, taking me, ripping me from Paul's grip and running his fingers over my body in protection and the pain still throbbed and the pain still ripping and the agony still twisted in my stomach as Paul stepped back, turning human and his eyes were on my face, on how tattered I knew he made it.

I pieced together his words when I thought I heard him saying something. It was an apology. A simple "I'm sorry" for the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life and made by someone who I thought was my friend.

Everything was so silent.

Everything was so blurry.

Everything was so much of a painting at the back of my head and I wanted the memories back because now, that I've heard too distant voices, in my memories, I wanted it, even if it was painful.

My pack, staring at me, with horror.

I knew that Paul had probably tattered and splattered blood on my face.

I knew that I still felt that agony and I felt like it would never stop throbbing as Edward gripped slightly tighter while I twitched and walked uncontrollably from the dizziness that was overwhelming my body.

—"_Jacob, let's read you a story."_

"**That child…"**

"_It's kind of sad but only because I want to make a point, sweetheart…"_

"**That child right over there…"**—

—Edward was clutching onto me so hard as I bent down and threw up, splattered blood onto the forest floor, and I felt the acid rise up in my throat and clog my passage and I felt like something was condensing in my throat and I couldn't breathe and I threw up again.

Vomit and blood.

All twisted and splattered and spluttered onto the forest grass.

—_the vampires looked up at Jacob, and fear had stricken him, his mother was dead, laying perfectly dead right in front of him, blood all over—_

_She had golden eyes—_

"**That child has his father's eyes."**

_Golden eyes instead of green—_

"_DON'T LET ANYONE THINK THAT YOU'RE INSANE, JACOB!"_

**I like torturing Jake.**

**Review?**

**;) Sam**


	14. Tear and Cut

**Finally. I updated. I have the next chapter ready too so I'll definitely update tomorrow! :)**

**Chapter 14**

**Tear and Cut**

**Edward's POV**

It happened so fast.

He was just there, standing, trying to Phase and I was just about to speak up and the next second, he was on the floor and he wasn't like I knew him. Just a moment before, he was different.

Just a moment before, he could stand up, his hair was dry and spiky, his face was slightly pale due to the transformation, his shoulders tense from what was to come, his heartbeat was slow and steady and his body was perfect and glistened off in the moonlight with a glow that lit up his entire appearance.

But a moment later, he couldn't stand up, his hair was wet with sweat, he couldn't breathe and his face was pale from the shock and agony that was twisting on his face, his heart was hammering so very loudly in his chest that it was about to burst and his body was tattered, covered in blood, shattered with pain, twisting in agony and desolation.

I didn't know why I didn't stop this.

I should've seen it coming. Jacob couldn't Phase and I knew it. Sam seemed to think that it was because he didn't want to hurt a fellow werewolf and Paul was apologizing as we had taken him to the hospital, and when we had laid him on a cot, he had thrown up again. Blood rolling off his tongue.

_I'm so scared._

He wouldn't admit it to anyone but he had said it in his eyes and in his thoughts. He didn't want all that blood collecting and gathered on the white sheets of the hospital. He was scared. So very scared. About whom he was. About what he'd be. And I could taste the bitterness at the tip of his tongue. I could feel the despair that was over washing his body.

I had Carlisle check over him, holding his face softly to see the sick look in his eyes and he took a light and shone it over his eyes, bloodshot, the veins were going to pop out and the arteries were restricting blood flow.

I walked out to face Sam and the rest of the pack. Sam had begun speaking first, "is he going to be fine?"

"I don't know anything yet."

"He's a real brother. Not attacking Paul the same way." I could hear Sam's thoughts and it hurt me slightly. He had thoughts of remorse, pure remorse, almost as If it was his fault—it was truly his fault. He kicked Jacob out. He didn't let him stick around. He turned the entire pack against him. It was his fault and I won't deny any of it.

Paul's face dropped and he nodded his head, and he looked like someone had shot him in the chest, pain filling his eyes. They all looked the same way and I poked my head back into Jacob's room to see Carlisle look at a zombie-like Jacob who didn't know where he was or what he was.

Carlisle looked at me as I stepped inside and Jacob reached out for me with a cracked and bloodied hand and I took it. The dry blood that had clung to his body was like Carlisle said—human, beautiful blood—and Carlisle saw that, whispering in my ear if I could handle it.

"I can," I responded, almost promising.

I sat down, touching his face, so much blood; the poor boy didn't even care about it all. "How's he doing?" I asked Carlisle.

Carlisle sighed dreadfully. "His main source for his blood is his neck, and shoulder, which bleed and clung to the rest of his body. There's a huge cut on his face that's making him bleed horribly. I closed them all up as fast as I could have."

"That's not so bad," I tried to convince myself.

"That's not the problem." Carlisle had told me. "You see. I had just come back from the labs, tested the blood, and with even more analysis and research on more information in the library, Jacob's transformation takes at least two weeks and he'll be purging his food and blood a lot by then. He'll be in and out of the house for transfusions. So if he complains about anything that seems little to you, it's big to his race."

I nodded my head. I hated seeing him in so much pain and I knew it. All I wanted to do was take the pain away. "I understand, Carlisle."

I walked out to see the pack, staring at me eagerly. I felt my throat turn drier than it already was. I wanted to run and hold Jacob; I wanted to tell him that it will all be fine and that I was here to take care of him. But I didn't know if it will be well after all this turned out.

"Is he okay?"

"What did Carlisle say about his condition?"

"It's not too bad, right?"

"Yeah, since he'll heal fast…"

"But then again, I've never seen so much damn blood in my life."

His face, torn and cut, his heart, torn and cut, there was just nothing left in him and I didn't want him like that ever again. Time passed as the words registered in my head.

"He-he's hurt bad."

I couldn't hide the truth.

Their eyes eagerly looked at what I was looking from the doorway, Jacob and I knew that they wouldn't enter the room because they had done that to Jacob and they had known it as well as anyone had.

Sam had to go home and so did all of them but as everyone went him, I stayed and Sam stayed a little while longer, looking at the used to be confident and happy boy, turned now into a boy with pain ripping through his eyes. A boy who's heart was burning and burning and burning with distress and desolation, which a black fire that tasted like bitter honey, sweet hate.

"Tell Jacob that he's back in the pack."

And he took off as I registered the words, digested them and horror reeled through me. He can't be in the pack. I wanted to tell him that. I wanted to tell him that he can't Phase because he was a vampire. I wanted to tell him that he'll get hurt. I wanted to tell him that they won't let a vampire in the pack.

I was as scared as Jacob was right now.

**Just need to look back at it.**

**Review?**

**71 reviews? Awesome! **

**;) Sam**


	15. Sweet Love

**About Billy...i'll enter him later on in the story. :)**

**Chapter 15**

**Sweet Love**

I was paining all over, acid sloshed, pain throbbed, bitterness burned and as I lay on the cot, I was replaying the entire event over and over, the fear that was bubbling in me, the horror that was drenching me in blood and pain and cluttered skin and broken pieces cutting right through my body, cutting right through my heart, bleeding thick hot blood out of my pores and my thoughts and out of my mind and I was so light headed and dizzy from the blood drainage.

I was so very trapped, so trapped into the black overtaken blackness as Edward walked inside with a piece of paper so forcefully gripped on by his fingers and his eyes were on me as he reluctantly oh so reluctantly slipped the paper between my fingers and I was shaking with horror and terror and fear of what might be written and enclosed within this paper and my eyes were on the words, written in beautiful, beautiful elegant handwriting.

They never really told you that even words, written this beautifully, can tragically rip your heart out in cluttered bleeding pieces on the floor, blood pouring out all around until there was nothing left of you… _Jacob, the wolves want you back. I need to tell them about your vampire transformation, Jake. You can't go on like this forever. You might die because of this!_

I looked up, peering at him and shaking my too pale hands, shuddering with horror and terror and then as I stared over at his face, beautiful pale face that I wanted to kiss so badly. I wanted his touch and I needed it and I wanted to hold him and I wanted him inside of me and I needed him to fill me with his sweet love and I needed him around to wipe the bitter thick honey at the tip of my tongue and I just needed his heart in my chest because I think I've lost mine.

He traced his fingers across my freezing, quivering, trembling lips and I kissed his fingers, having him instantly take it away from me, and the action made my heart beat with unsteadiness and my veins were thick and constricted all the blood flow from my toe to my head and my arteries were thin and threatening to pop out of my little fragile and frail and weak body and I knew it better than anyone. Every breath on my face reminded me of how precious Edward was and I wanted him, more and more, with each passing minute, feeling my heart pound in my chest with demand and command and order and feeling my head slosh with throbbing agony and desolation.

He gave me a golden pen, shoving it to my lap and I took it, pressing the pen to the paper and writing my loud thoughts because they wouldn't stop overwhelming my head and my head was spinning and spinning and spinning with faintness and giddiness and as I shoved the paper, having my words burn into my head, imprinting forever. _I want to be with them. I want to be normal! I know I'm a werewolf. I know I'm not a vampire._

I had him read the paper, his face tightened but his hands moved as fast as lightening, taking the pen away from my hands and scribbling, so very fast and I wondered if his body moved that way, if we'd ever touch each other, would his body move this fast? As fast as air I hoped and as his face tightened even more, probably in hidden disgust at my horrid thoughts and as I looked down, he lifted my chin and spoke his words out softly.

The first one rolled off his tongue so well and slowly, concentrating, I pieced together the words I'd never hear, still feeling so exposed from my disability, still feeling so very broken from my inability to hear voices, and as I pieced together the words 'Don't' I had also pieced together 'Do This'.

My head twisted with pain as I touched his face and shook my head. I was going to do this and I was going to something good in my life and I didn't need him to tell me what to do—but part of me was screaming for me, practically controlling me, for me to stay with him and that part was so loud and so very clear that I wanted to scream but I didn't and I seriously couldn't hear my own voice and this muted scene of life, it was just too painful to look at from my eyes.

I didn't know what I was but I was sure that I wasn't normal at all and Edward knew it as much as I did and I just wanted to freaking die because everything was just so surreal and I was in this freaking painted dream where everything were just fake colors as I pursued and hunted for sweet love that I found but it didn't want me. It didn't want to fill me and I could see it in his eyes.

As the pack came inside, shame faced for what they've done to me and they should've been, I had been wrenched and drenched with pain and part of me wanted to pounce on Sam or Paul or Embry or just anyone and rip them to shreds and as I shuddered at my thoughts, I looked up at Edward's face to see it crumpled with surprise and I knew what he was thinking of me. A killer who was just out for number one, who just wanted to be alone and part of me wanted to cry for what they've done. Partly because I was tired of being strong and partly because I didn't know if I could be strong ever again.

I was never supposed to give in to this but I did. I gave in to myself and now, I walked around with 'defeat' and 'deaf' and 'unknown species' imprinted as a tattoo on my so very exposed and humiliated body that was always and always filling with the same type of ripping disgrace and I knew it better than anyone and just better than anything and as Sam stepped closer to me, asking me if I was fine and I wanted to scream right at that moment.

I was anything but fine. I was just anything but fine. I was tattered and shattered and torn and broken and just so very into pieces on the floor that my future's just a so very locked door and I felt as if this was the key to my happiness and the key to success in this dark, gloomy world and as Edward bit his lip, trying to tell me not and I could see it but I twisted my head around, not wanting to hear his words—because I can't freaking hear them.

I nodded my head at Sam who's eyes widened as he asked me if I wanted to join the pack and I pieced together Edward's words, that I was a vampire and that I couldn't come back to them and I will hurt them more than he could ever because I was slowly turning into one, and I laughed. I laughed so bitterly and so painfully that I thought that my throat was going to tear out of my body.

I could piece together Sam's words, quicker than usual now that I was used to doing this and I would probably going to piece together words that seem so very imaginary for the rest of my life and I just waited until I fainted or died because the blackness at the back of my head was more real than anything could be.

I flung into Sam's arms wanting to feel secure and safe and away from the world and I watched as he shot a cold glare over at Edward who simply nodded his head in understanding and said 'I'll go back to Bella. I need to apologize' even though I couldn't hear it, I could still feel the stab of those words, right there, in my heart and I knew that he was going back with her. Possibly forever.

My cheeks burned with hotness and I buried my face into Sam's chest and he gripped tightly on me, wanting to show me gratitude and sorrow, pure thick sorrow that was making his heart beat faster and as Edward walked away, the sweet scent of him was gone and I was suffocating in Sam's scent, and I shook my head. This was probably because of my headaches and nausea and maybe even a hallucination.

I just can't be a vampire.

If I was, I might've just made the biggest mistake of my life.

The words of my letter to Edward had come back to haunt me, sneaking up on me and consuming me in so little time, quick and deadly, those words haunted me for what felt like forever…

_I want to be normal!_

**Poor Jacob. :P**

**But I am an angst writer so yeah.**

**;) Sam**


	16. To The Edge

**Let's put a little bit of Edward torture.**

**Short chapter but also cute. And at least, it's an update, right?**

**Chapter 16**

**To The Edge**

**Edward's POV**

It was all wrong.

How could I let this happen to him? I wanted to look for him but I knew that I couldn't cross the wolf territory. I knew that he'd be better off without me looking after him. He needed his friends. I was a vampire, he could take advantage of me so very easily and he could trick me so very smoothly and I couldn't let him get hurt just because I might not be able to control myself. I knew for a fact that I loved him. I thought about going back to Bella but decided against it. She was just a loyal friend who kept our vampire secret now and I told her in a plain and simple form that I was wrong.

That Jacob was a special type of vampire that can go out in sunlight and that tricked other vampires to feed on the children, and she thought I was joking until I confirmed it by Carlisle. It seemed to all go well but 'seem' wasn't really 'be'. He may have pretended to love me but I truly loved him.

I knew this exploding feeling of my heart whenever I was around him.

I knew this feeling of adrenaline rush whenever I was around him.

I'd do anything for him. I'd love him and I'd do burn myself for him. And I'd always be watching over my little angel and I'd hope that nothing will ever happen to him when I was around. I wouldn't let him get hurt because of me ever again. I'd always try to erase his mistakes.

I'd always have his name engraved into my heart.

I missed several days of school and had dropped out. I didn't need school. And Carlisle understood my feelings and he understood that all I wanted to do was help him now. All I breathed and saw and felt and heard was Jacob.

I breathed into Jacob's blood, feeling his sticky thick blood burning inside of me, feeling his breaths enter my body.

I saw only Jacob. I saw his beautiful face, I saw his hard eyes, I saw his russet color and I saw his heart, pumping love and life into him.

I felt his emotions, felt his love for me, felt his hate for me, felt his sweetness burn into him, felt his life infuse with his blood, thick and sweet, so thick and sweet.

I heard his voice, and it was the only music now. It was the only thing I needed to hear and the only thing I wanted to hear.

I'd stay there for what seemed like ever and I'd move into the shadows whenever he'd move and I'd watch him sleep and breathe and eat and he'd become my life right now.

I didn't need to live at all.

I was pushing myself to the edge.

I didn't care.

As long as he was fine and that I was the one suffering, I didn't care. I deserved to burn in Hell.

Hard.

**Sorry for not updating a while.**

**I got addicted to wrestling.**

**At least this is an update, right?!**

**Review?**

**;) Sam**


	17. Secret

**I know it's short even but I had to make it short.**

**I tried to add. I seriously did but I couldn't.**

**I have a bit of writer's block.**

**Chapter 17  
Secret**

**Jacob's POV**

Secrets of horror.

Secrets of death.

Secrets of acid and blood.

I stayed with Emily most of the time, and as hard as I tried denying that I was a vampire, I had this bloodlust for her blood, for the scent of what was deep inside of her skin and I knew I wasn't a vampire because after all, I ate a lot of human food and it was fine. I ate a lot only because I wanted to busy myself.

Tell myself that there was no way that I could be hungry for blood when I had this food inside of me.

I didn't want to drink her blood.

In some way, deep in my head, it was against my traditions even if I didn't know what my traditions truly were.

I was confused most of the time.

And no one was there to clear things up for me.

The world around me turned hazy, spitting out pieces of acid and horror in front of my eyes and there was just nothing to take me out of this deep hole that I had fallen into. I kept telling myself that I was just seeing things.

I was seeing Edward moving around.

I was seeing his golden eyes.

I hallucinated a lot.

I slept most of the time because of exhaustion and lack of sleep and even when I woke up, I was still so very sleepy.

When I was awake, I felt this ripping pain surge towards my spine.

It was almost like my spine was swelling up and I found it hard to move. I just stared at the ground and pretended that the pain never really existed.

That was even harder to do.

Knowing that the pain was still there, dragging and nagging onto me. Paining me. Breaking me.

And they way the wolves' smelled…

It suffocated me.

Drowned me.

Choked me to death.

Until now turning into a vampire was a secret.

And I didn't think I can hold onto that secret much longer.

**Reviews??**

**;) Sam**


	18. Stress

**SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING. I did say in my profile that all my Twilight fics were on hold. If anyone's still reading, I'm shocked.**

**Chapter 18  
Stress**

**Edward's POV**

**(you're so stressed out that you're tearing yourself on the inside.)**

When I woke up to go to Jacob's, Carlisle stopped me in my pace and held my wrist and told me to sit down and I did, staring at him, staring completely at him, and trying to understand of his intentions. "Carlisle?"

"Edward, Jacob had been the only thing on your mind for a while."

"Carlisle," I began, knowing that he can't understand how I wanted to touch that perfect flesh of Jacob's body, knowing that he can't understand how I loved the sheer touch of Jacob's body, knowing that he can't understand how I loved Jacob's snickers and insults about me, knowing that he can't understand anything about me and Jacob's relationship at all. "I really screwed up with him and I don't want him to get hurt by hurting the ones he loves. Carlisle, he's become my life now."

I loved Jacob. More than he could ever know. I loved everything about him, every flaw, every perfection, every breath, everything and I was desperate. I wanted him so bad. I wanted to hold him. To kiss him. To be with him just forever because he seemed to be the one that understood the pain. He seemed to be the one that understood how it was like to get hurt and be stabbed. He seemed to be the one that needed me even if it was from his nature. I needed him, too. Bad. He made me a better person. He perfected my heart into ways I can't even imagine. My heart was trash when he pretended to fall in love with it but, as I fall in love with him, I can feel as if my heart had turned to precious treasure. He made me feel complete. He made me feel like there was a good place for me in the world and I wasn't going to lose him.

I walked towards their house and all I could think about was Carlisle's concern for me, I could understand…I understood oh so very completely. After all, I fell in love with a boy who found love to be a sick disorder, I fell in love with a boy who could never share my emotions yet the attachment I had for him, I can't take it away. It was too powerful. If I could cry, I would've cried myself to sleep a long time ago. I would've cried in front of him right now and I hated how perfect I seemed to look because I was really broken on the inside. Nothing shining. Nothing sparkling. Just pain burning all over me. And nothing can be fixed and everything was so very broken.

When I arrived, I stared at the window but I couldn't see Jacob. Panic arose within me. He was always there…what happened? What—? I heard a voice that jerked me out of my trance, Sam's voice. "Edward, what in hell's name is going on?"

I didn't understand a word coming out of Sam's mouth as I stared into his eyes. "W-what?" I stuttered, feeling as if the words weighed a ton on my mouth. "What happened, Sam?"

Sam's eyes were filled with agony and piercing pain. His flesh seemed to pale and the way he stared at me, with _why? why? why? _just broke me on the inside because right now, Sam looked more of how I felt than I ever could have. Something happened to Emily? Emily was human…and Jacob was…my heart was threatening to burst out of my chest as I put the pieces together and I wished that it was a puzzle all over again.

"He attacked Emily. Jacob was screaming something about how she smelt like…how appealing she smelt like…blood or something like that," Sam shot me the darkest glare ever. "And then he left. I didn't know why. He stopped and left. But Emily is _traumatized_. What the hell is going on?" his voice is shaky and he was shaking, too.

"You see…Jacob is a type of vampire that's been known as a legend," I explained the story but the more I said it, repeated the thoughts in my head, the more I doubted it—my Jacob, my beautiful Jacob—had never seemed to be like this. Had never seemed to be a vampire. Had never showed any real signs. No bloodlust. Ate well like a human, as Sam had said. He was slowly, oh so very slowly, turning into the thing he hated the most and I can't do anything about it. I wanted to so bad. I wanted everything to make sense. I wanted the horror to end. I wanted a cliché love story where we end up loving each other…I didn't want this.

All I wanted was for everything to be just fine. Nothing was fine anymore. Everything was broken. Everything was ready to burn me into nothingness.

I ran off.

I had to find Jacob.

I couldn't risk him getting hurt ever again. I couldn't risk my heart getting stained and tainted every again. But there was a feeling at the pit of my stomach that said that this wasn't going to end so very well. I had to find Jacob…before he killed someone. I couldn't let that happen at all. I couldn't…

Why was everyone tearing us apart? Why was everything just tearing us apart? What kind of love story is this?

Part of me knew that this was never a love story.

Just a horror story.

**I will update soon! I'm willing to finish this story no matter how long it takes. I hope you guys are ready for a soon to be update on_ 'You Make Me Sick'_. Only three chapters to go and that story's finished anyways. Review??**

**;) Sam**


	19. Hunger

**As I said, more updates! The story is almost over anyways. Yes, it's almost over... I'm happy but I don't think you are.  
**

**Chapter 19  
Hunger**

**Jacob's POV**

I can't believe it.

Poor Emily.

I can't believe I did that to her. Hurt her like that. Broke her like that. I can't believe that I got her entangled in my game and why? Only because of my hunger. I wanted to go home but I wasn't welcome home. I was afraid of my father knowing. I was afraid of my father finding out about why mother was dead. I was afraid of him finding out what I've truly become. From a werewolf to a deaf werewolf to a deaf vampire and I can't do anything about it.

Then there was Bella.

I was onto the swing set, looking at her, trying to admire her beauty but Edward was in my mind instead as she walked around, her hair perfectly swept and her back perfectly straight but my thoughts were still on Edward. What would he think of me now? An out of control monster? What would he think of me now?! I won't believe that he'd love me because I can't believe it. I wanted him. I wanted him inside of me. I wanted his love. His affection. I needed his love.

Why was I like this?

I didn't know. I didn't know how to fix this mess that I was in.

And the closer she came…

Her scent.

Her blood.

I'm sorry…

* * *

_Edward's POV_

I heard a scream.

Bella's scream.

I could tell from a mile away as I ran over to her to see Jacob biting her throat and sucking and drinking and when he'd seen me, he'd let go of her body but she was dead. I knew it from how her eyes were closed. I looked into Jacob's scared eyes as he stepped back, tears in his eyes but not falling, as he clutched onto his stomach, shaking, shaking oh so very quickly that it broke me apart.

I walked over to him, trying to hug him but he pulled away.

_I'm a murder. A killer. I killed Bella!_

I heard a snicker from the shadows and I held onto Jacob's wrist. _"A vampire of their kind, one that traveled, drinking only from their pack—every week, a vampire of their kind is sacrificed to kill and drink blood."_ Now that he killed Bella…he broke the tradition…he broke their tradition and I held onto Jacob's body, knowing that they can fully attack and kill him right now as one of them charged, grabbing onto Jacob's hand and tearing him away from me and I tackled him, letting Jacob stand up as I looked into the eyes of the Innovative boy, with his bright blood red hungry eyes, his skin pale and cracked, his hair black and dull. He bit through my neck and the bite was quick and deep that it made me feel dizzy. He stood up and held onto Jacob's body, bringing him close to him and ran off, taking Jacob with him.

"EDWARD! EDWARD, PLEASE!"

_Can't hear anything. Did I scream your name? Did I scream my freaking heart out to you? Save me! Save me! SAVE ME!_

He was screaming in his head.

He needed me and I needed him. I followed them in the most cautious way possible because they can kill me. They can feed on me.

_Save me…_

_

* * *

_**Jacob's POV**

They laid me down a bed and pressed me towards it. His blood eyes turned warmer, soft pink eyes that broke my bleeding heart. They had a way into charming me. He laid on top of me, brushing his hand against my stomach.

Part of me knew what he was doing.

Part of me even called it 'tradition'.

I just can't understand how and why.

The next few hours consisted of him touching me, me losing my virginity to a guy I barely knew and part of me was screaming while part of me never cared. It was like I was turning into one of them but also, like I remained who I was. I wanted Edward. I truly wanted Edward. But part of me didn't care about him anymore.

I wanted to love him…

I can't lose myself to them…

I was quiet while he sweated and worked over me, standing up and looking back at me and the way he looked at me, like he had accomplished something astounding. I tried to sit up but fell back down and another two of them rushed inside, same pink eyes, one with brown hair and one with blonde, the paleness of their skins, as they leaned down towards me, one of them holding onto my shoulder and him speaking words I can't hear. The other one ripped a paper out of a notebook and gave it to me with his other hand holding onto a pen. I looked at the paper and the rest of the world flipped upside down.

_We need you to tell you how you've been this past few weeks, King Jacob. We need to know if you are ready to rule us._

**So this is why Jacob's different, huh? Anyways, never forget to leave a review, guys, please!**

**;) Sam**


	20. Breakdown

**Hmm…next chapter. Frankly, I'm happy that Bella's out of the way.**

**Chapter 20  
Breakdown**

**Edward's POV**

When they left Jacob all alone, I slyly walked inside of the room that he was staying it and the shock that was still plastered on his face had left me concerned on his behalf as he tried to snap back into reality but somehow, he can't. He was stirring into his own thoughts and reading them, I was shocked, too. He was their leader? No wonder they needed his special treatment. When he'd seen me, he'd practically pounced with gleefulness and I'd never seen him trying to look for happiness so much because of the sadness that resided into those beautiful orbs.

"This is all wrong!" Jacob exclaimed. "I want to go home."

He still can't hear his own voice and he still wasn't sure if I can hear and I sat beside him, hoping that their senses can't smell me.

I knew that the only way that they'd let Jacob go now was that if I could help him. But how could I have helped him?

Silence sank.

He was so used to the silence.

I guessed I was now, too.

_They told me that I needed to get married._

My head snapped towards him as I bit down my lip. I don't want him to get married. He belonged to me. He was mine. I loved him. I can't let him slip from underneath my fingers. Those beautiful brown eyes that had haunted me for what felt like forever. I leaned down and kissed him and I felt everything, I felt the electricity, I felt the sparks and I regretted it. At that moment, I wanted to forget that Jacob was an Innovative but I couldn't and as I noticed him getting too into the kiss, brushing his hands down my chest and all I could've done was pushed him away.

"No, Jake."

He stared at me in confusion, being able to read the words 'no' out of my lips.

_I've heard it so many times I've memorized by now._

I held onto Jacob's cheek and seen the true pain in his eyes, the true pain of having an arranged life and him not saying anything in it. He was always getting the short end of the stick and I always couldn't do anything but make it worse. How could I make this better for him? For me? For both of us?

_You can't fix this._

It was almost as if we can share our thoughts. I can see everything just looking into those sweet dark eyes that make mine melt a thousand times.

I held onto his body as he sobbed so quietly into my chest. I stared and tried not to break myself.

Nothing else mattered.

* * *

We wanted to run away.

Hoped that they can't find us.

But they would.

We can't run away and we can't stay. I was still in love with him and the thought of us being apart just ached my heart harder than ever before. And I wondered: why did I have to fall in love with someone I can't be with? I didn't regret that I ever felt this way. But I wanted him to understand…I wanted myself to understand… why did this entire thing just blow out of proportion?

And why can't I fix it…?

His scent was sweet now.

As sweet as honey.

It lingered in my nose and I didn't want it too. It just made tearing up from him harder. I saw as they came to take Jacob away and I hid away at the bushes as he'd pretend to be asleep and when they'd walk in, they didn't even notice the mixture of scents in the air and my biggest possibility was that they thought that because Jacob was different, he smelt different than he was supposed to.

Jacob only smiled weakly at them as they dressed him up so that he can go meet his fiancée by force and I can only break thinking that Jacob had someone else and I'd never move on. We'd never move on.

I didn't know if this attraction we had was just because of his traditional nature or if they were real. Carlisle did warn me about this but I had to ignore it. I can't risk anything anymore. I followed them silently, now being an expert at sneaking around as I saw Jacob smiling and holding hands with him and everything and my heart just broke all the more. Jacob really was moving on without me but there was a white glint off Jacob's eyes that told me that his body and mind worked one way but all of him just wanted him to stop and he'd want to run to me and cry on me.

I watched.

Silent.

No words really coming out of my mouth.

At night, I'd finally made my decision.

I wasn't going to let anyone take my Jacob away from me. Let's run away. Let's run away and be idiots as long as I had my time with him. I wanted him to stay with me. I wanted to feel his body. I didn't want this life for him. I didn't want him to have to go through with a wedding he didn't want to go through. I didn't want him to rule a kingdom he didn't think he wanted to rule. I wanted him to be happy. I'd do anything if he'd smile. And his fake smiles just won't get to me.

That night, I grabbed onto his hand and he followed me, clinging onto me too much but in a way, I liked it. I even loved it.

And as we ran off into the dark, no words out of our mouths. Just staring into each other's eyes, I realized how lucky I was. He'd run away for me and I shouldn't have messed it up and running off, trying to take the stress away from our bodies, running away with hands clasped tight, anywhere but here.

We'd laugh and run.

We were going to be free.

I just hoped that this was going to be good.

I stopped deep in the woods when I heard another few voices that just struck a cord in my head when I realized who they were.

"Jacob? Cullen?"

Billy.

I stared at him as he'd stand there with a puzzled look on his face with Rachael or Rebecca (I can't tell the difference) would stand there close to him.

Billy's eyes darkened. "Cullen, I heard about poor Bella's death," he snapped.

"I didn't—"

"I did."

I stared back at Jacob who was looking down, unable to meet his own father's eyes. "I killed Bella."

He finally broke down as tears fell from his face.

"I'm a killer."

* * *

**So…how do you think the story will go right now? Man, I'm so refreshed that I suddenly like this chapter. Don't know why. Review??**

**;) Sam**


	21. The Dark Side

**Sorry for my lack of an update! I updated though. :D**

**Chapter 21  
The Dark Side**

**Jacob's POV**

My father's eyes burned in disbelief.

Rebecca walked towards me, with horror burning every sparkle in her eyes, and God, did she remind me of my mother as let her hand hold onto my shoulder, pressing it in sympathy and compassion and she talked too fast for me but I knew that one of the words were asylum and connecting it to that look on her face, she wanted me to be in one and how would I loved being in one, too.

I should rot.

Edward's hand grabbed onto mine as he pushed me to him and shook his head and he was protesting but as usual, no sound I can hear, just silence that burned me to the core as he kissed my hair and the act of affection made me feel close to him. I had stepped into the dark side of the world.

I was insane.

I was different.

I wanted to be the same. I wanted to love Edward. Part of me didn't believe in love now. Part of me just believed in the ability to lust but no…I won't let that part dominate me. I won't let that part tell me that I can't love.

And—

Asylum…

"_DON'T LET ANYONE THINK THAT YOU'RE INSANE, JACOB!"_

**Edward's POV**

The shock that was draping across his face.

The way he was suddenly dosed into the reality of the situation, the way his muscles tensed, the way his eyes and heart bled, the way that the world spun when he stared at his sister and he said "no."

"What?" Billy asked, his eyes widening but I ignored it. He ignored it.

"I'm not insane!"

He was screaming. Screaming his heart out. And still, he can't listen to himself and how he wanted to. He wanted to hear the acid that was spitting in his voice that was somehow burning his heart without a sound.

"Jake…" the girl started.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He was confused.

He was hurt.

He was so into his pain that tears were burning into his dark eyes as he pushed himself backwards and I held him as he sobbed recklessly.

His throat was burning from the acid and I stared at him as he tried not to break into too many pieces, as he tried to contain his pain but he couldn't. He was a victim of an arranged marriage. He had his people and he didn't want any of it. He wanted to be normal and suddenly, I shared that need to. If we were stupid teenagers whose cares were prom and going to a dance, this wouldn't be the case.

I held him close to me as he continued to sob.

"It's going to be alright, Jake…"

That moment, he let out a heart breaking scream that made me carry him, press him against me, run off again into the blackness because we didn't need Billy or Rachael or Rebecca or whoever…we only needed the comfort of each other right now and I didn't care about their protests.

My eyes were only on Jacob.

I fell onto my knees when I felt him grip onto my hair and rip a tiny tuft of my hair out and the pain that was in him. It was so unreal…

He was transforming. Good god.

I stood up again even if Jacob was protesting "I don't want to go anywhere! I'm not insane! I'm fine!" and it hurt me to see that he'd think that I'd betray him and running towards Carlisle's and seeing their shocked eyes while all I can think of was the boy that was curling and breaking and crying right now from the pain that was overtaking him and as I laid him down onto the bed, Carlisle ran his hand through Jacob's hair and took his temperature and I stayed beside him the entire time.

"They wanted him to get married…"

He nodded his head and I watched him drift off to sleep before Carlisle told me that he needed to talk to me.

We were enclosed in the kitchen.

All I was thinking about was Jacob, my Jacob, suffering because of his transformation so badly, turning into a vampire…in so much pain and languish that I felt like I wanted to die all over again just remembering how he'd ripped my hair out of its place. Just remembering how those dark eyes were burning with tears.

"Edward…"

"Yeah?"

"He might not survive during this transformation…"

"…what?" I asked, thinking of my Jacob, and how I can't have him die. I can't have him get hurt anymore. I wanted it to stop because it was hurting me too. Seeing him so dead on the inside. Seeing him cripple because of the pain. I wanted it to stop. I can't take it. I can't take it! I CAN'T TAKE IT!

I…

I…

"He's the first of his species that ever had ever gone through this type of pain. It's not natural for anyone to feel this much pain…and—"

I walked out of the room because I can't handle anything that Carlisle was saying anymore and he stood up to follow me but he didn't understand anything. No one understand anything, did they?

"Edward—I—"

I stopped dead in my tracks and he stopped too.

My heart was gone.

In an instant.

Dead.

Jacob was gone.

And in his place was a note.

Carlisle was talking, explaining it to me and I sunk it all in. "He seems to have forgotten that you both had run away when they announced his marriage. Amnesia…he doesn't remember…he's starting to forget the wolf life and starting his life as this fresh new Innovative…Edward, he won't love…he—"

I grabbed onto the note and stormed out to find him.

_You are not making me marry anyone. I'm going to beat you to the game. You can't let him marry me if I'm dead. I'd rather die than have you do this to me…—Jacob Black_

**What do you think Jacob will do to himself?**

**Better yet, do you think that I'll kill him in this story too? Jeffy: No! No! Pwease!**

**Review?**

**;) Sam**


	22. Give Blood

**Chapter 22  
Give Blood**

**Edward's POV **

Jacob…

My beautiful, angelic Jacob.

With perfect eyes.

Jacob…

Sweet Jacob.

How could I let him go through this pain?

How could I let him out of my eyes?

I found him, on the floor, with blood pouring out of his pores and all I can do was stare into him as he struggled to breathe, his oxygen was cut short as he reached out with those hands for me.

"Edward, please!"

I held him into my arms as he pressed his head towards my chest, sobbing softly as I tried to understand everything.

We were in the middle of the woods.

No one knew where we were.

We were escaping reality as we knew it and we were miserable. As miserable as ever as I felt Jacob's head move slightly and he looked at me.

"I deserve to be in an asylum…I deserve to be insane…"

"No, baby. No."

"I can't love anyone…"

He can't hear a word I'm saying and yet he didn't care anymore. He didn't care about the pain of being deaf anymore.

"Why can't I be normal…?"

He sobbed softly. His eyes were puffy and the way he was describing the pain…_it's like a knife is ripping through me, Teddy Eddie…it hurts… it hurts so much… _and all I can do was feel him try to describe the pain and agony and desolation that burned through him oh so badly.

"If I die here, baby, then I have to tell you that I love you…"

"No. You're not gonna die."

He can make out the words because he gave the softest saddest smiles, "I'm gonna die…and I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

"No. Don't say that."

I held him, carried him but I could hear his heartbeat.

"Get away from me."

His skin was cracking.

His eyes were going from a dark color to a sweet red color, acid red.

His body was shaking from the pain that was overtaking him so horribly.

He was turning into one of them and I still didn't care about how much he hated me. I loved him. I loved every piece of him and even if he was in rage, even if he hated every part of me, I loved him.

"Get the hell away from me, Cullen!"

His thoughts.

Turned from sweet to bitter. Love to hate. Detestation to adoration. It was like he was turning to a stranger and even though, I couldn't hate him. I can't find myself hating him. But in all of it…I heard his thought, that one thought that made me realize that our relationship might have a good turn…

_I'm sorry…_

"I-I-I love you…"

I saw as his body went completely and utterly rigid and his eyes shut tight and I was too nervous to check for his heartbeat.

If he was dead…

God, I won't be able to think if he was dead—

"Jacob? Why did it had to be you?"

I wasn't sure if I should save him or not.

He hated me. He was one of them now. And I didn't know if I should be liking him but I take him into my arms and go off into the shadows, wanting to go home…wanting to be home but in the middle of it all, I fell to my knees, and checked for his heartbeat…

He had a heartbeat.

He was alive.

But he was an Innovative.

Why was I so stupid enough was to fall in love with him?

Why?

I laid my head onto his chest and I didn't care if I couldn't sleep. I could still dream. I dreamed. Of us. I dreamed. Of our future. I dreamed. Of the pain that will soon fade away. I dreamed. Of perfection.

Then I felt him move and he bit my neck and for the next few moments, he'd been eating and biting through me.

"Stop!"

Flesh.

Too much flesh.

I'd give him my flesh, my blood, my life. Everything. And he was taking it. I shouldn't care, right?

"STOP!"

But he can't hear me.

_I'm sorry, Teddy Eddie…you smell…so…intoxicating…_

At that moment, everything was so very vivid in my head. I knew for a fact that even if I was going to go, I was going to go with Jacob right in front of me, the one I loved, and even if it wasn't the most romantic moment, I still took what I can get. And that was enough for me.


	23. What Have I Done?

**Chapter 23  
What Have I Done? **

**Jacob's POV**

I was sorry…

His taste. His scent. His blood. His flesh.

I can't stop.

I was slowly draining the life out of him and I knew that but I couldn't stop. The sweet fluid of his was burning in my mouth and how sweet he tasted and I moved away, just enough to see him shake and shiver in pain.

"Jacob. Stop."

The first time I ever heard a word and it was traumatizing.

I wanted to be in silence again. I would give anything not to hear him whimper and how tears were burning in my eyes, seeing him like this—a part of me was screaming that he was disgusting, that he deserved this, my head and my body wanted to go back to this but I didn't.

I didn't want to hurt him.

'_Just kill him!'_

His head was on my chest, his golden eyes fluttering, the feel of his cracked skin against my even more fractured skin, our hearts beating, and our eyes watching everything but really seeing nothing. "Jacob, just finish me now…just…no more pain…please…"

I felt his hand run over my hair.

"I made you feel scared."

I will never forgive myself.

Tears burning down my face.

I didn't deserve him.

Tears pouring down my face.

He didn't deserve this.

I felt him move from underneath me, his perfected face clawed by my hands, his sweet heart bleeding because of me, and his eyes were broken glassed eyes and God, my Edward…my sweet Edward…

"You can't love me. I understand that now, Jake. You didn't have to do this."

"No, no. I love you! I-I really love you…"

Our bodies entangled in each other, his engaging breath on my face, all of us just brokenly fit together in this stupid puzzle of our lives and how I wished that this wouldn't have to happen to him of all people. How I wished that those eyes were made with purity and love instead of fear and horror.

Why did this have to happen to us?

'_Just. Kill. The. Bastard.'_

I couldn't.

Even if the urge was strong. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want the pain to overtake his fragile eyes.

We laid together, entangled, entwined with each other.

What have I done?

Will he ever love me after this?

He supported himself, tried to stand up but was threatening to fall down as he took my hands and pushed me up, both of us were ready to fall but he'd caught before I could and how sweet he was…I didn't deserve his love or attention. I didn't deserve him at all.

"Why are we in this mess, Edward?"

"I don't know."

"It hurts…"

He took me into his arms, his protective torn arms wrapped around me and I didn't deserve them. I didn't earn and justify this kind of love from him and I knew it. I knew it so very well.

He kissed the top of my forehead, "let's go home."

I didn't know what home was.

**Edward's POV**

Just having him stop killing me was enough to make me feel happy. It wasn't long until I had taken him home with me, in our rooms, locked the door oh so swiftly and we were lying on the floor as my body throbbed and ached as his head was on my chest, making me feel whole as he sucked in his breath. This was messed up, battered love but we took what we can get because we knew that we couldn't get any better.

"I'm insane…"

"No, you're not."

"I don't want to listen to anything anymore…" his tears stinging my clothes as his sobs raked through the room. "I don't deserve it."

"What is going to happen to us?"

"I love you, I really do, Edward. Don't listen to Carlisle. He doesn't know—I-I'm sure I love you…I'm sure I'd die for you…" that look in his eyes, so desperate to prove that he loved me, so very desperate, "I'm sorry—I'm sorry—I shouldn't have—I'm sorry…"

"Shh…"

I wiped away his tears, and I knew I wanted to cry, too.

We were both tired, entangled in our own mess, both of us, no sound coming from our mouths, as he slept in my arms.

"I know you don't really hate me, Jake…we have a chance to make this right."

He slept into my chest, trying to believe those words and in the middle of it all, he did believe me because we had nothing else to believe but ourselves. We had nothing else to believe but the lies that we tried to feed ourselves and now that the truth was standing in front of us, we weren't sure if we wanted to run away from it anymore. For the first time in so long, there was a handful of hope bubbling in the skin. There was a color in the gray skies. It was blue.


	24. Epilogue: Our World

**I can't—**_**won't**_**—believe it but this story…it's over. It's gone. Fineto. My first ever Twilight story is gone.**

**Chapter 24  
Epilogue: Our World**

Around the course of two months, everything that was broken was slowly being fixed back into its original shape and form. The pain was subsiding in the Cullen household, the sweet twinkle of the sunshine resided in the glass house as I went upstairs with a bottle of sticky, hospital blood as I stopped at the room that I and Jacob now shared and I opened up the room to see Jacob, laying on his stomach, his head on a pillow, those eyes wide open and that body barely moving, such a beautiful sight.

I grinned softly as I walked towards Jacob's side, and had leaned down to give him the bottle. Jacob could eat normal food but usually puked about half of it out, and after much research, I made a plan to possibly move away from Forks if it meant that Jacob was going to be safe from the Innovatives. Until now, they were safe into their bubble of tranquility but it could've burst at any second and I…I wanted to be ready. I needed to be ready to keep him safe from the world around us now.

This was our world.

No one can take me away from him now. He was mine and I was his. Carlisle and I secretly made plans to possibly give Jacob a surgery…we can't have him having children. Since he can't have just one, since he needed to have a whole flock, I had to take action, yet Jacob knew nothing of this. Only I and Carlisle had known and all I can do was keep this away from Jacob. I didn't want him to think that I was sadistic. That I wanted to change him…it was the last thing I wanted Jacob to think of me right now, after all we've been through.

In our world, anything that was broken was slowly mending.

In what felt like so long, I felt the bitter happiness drive me. I finally had Jacob. I finally had my everything, my hope, my dream, my love, and I was afraid to lose him again but in the course of a month, I realized that I had to stop worrying about this and embrace him while I had the chance.

Still, I was concerned.

I couldn't believe that there was something good in my life. I couldn't believe that I had my baby in my arms every night, curling up to me while I whispered 'I love you's in every language I knew as he drifted off to sleep in my arms and what angered me was that his nightmares were vivid, his thoughts were exploding, he was in so much pain in his sleep and he didn't even know it.

When he'd wake up every morning, he'd have a sweet smile on his face as I brought him a bottle of blood for him to drink.

During the evening, he'd play around with my piano but couldn't really get any notes right and would threaten to break the piano, so very innocent and I was so scared for him. It was a constant thought in the back of my head. Something bad was going to happen. Something was going to tear us apart.

But I didn't want to think of that.

It was horrifying to think that Jacob—my love, my sweet Jacob—had something wrong with him. Did he know something that I didn't? Did he feel guilty about attacking me that one time? What was wrong with him?

I was so concerned.

I was ready to burst from concern.

I wanted to hug him, hold him, love him, tell him that I can't have anything better than him but he didn't seem like he'd believe me and he'd tell me to prove my love for him and I can't do that. Damn. I was afraid that if I did, then he'd get pregnant and if he got pregnant, our lives were going to change.

So I held onto the last piece of our world because in the other world, all I could hear was our screams and our hearts biting and our bodies shaking with fear. That other world was reality.

I didn't want to be in reality.

I wanted to stay as far away from it as possible. I wanted to be in this surreal world of ours because we were alone. We were together and even if the concern still resided, our love did too and all I needed was that.

All I needed to believe was that we can fly.

Now, we were embracing each other, ready to fly but unsure if the sky of hope would take us to Heaven or Hell so we stayed trapped in our bubble of security because we were both scared.

That night, as we both lay in our bed, Jacob's arms wrapped around me, his creased forehead, his open mouth, his tired eyes; it scared me to see him this way as I rubbed his back as he slept.

His eyes snapped wide awake in the middle and he brought his head towards my chest, pressing his head to my chest, and it took a while for me to understand that tears were rolling freshly off his face. "Jake?"

"Edward…"

"What's wrong?"

"Edward…please, take the pain away…it's still there…the pain…" he was so helpless, so tired, so hopeless as I watched him roll over to the other side of the bed, his body shaking and I touched his back, leaning down to see that his eyes were shut tight and he had no thoughts. He usually didn't have any thoughts when he was asleep. He had gone back to sleeping but he was still shaking, and words were still slipping off his mouth. "The pain…still there…Edward…save me…someone save me…"

It took more than two hours for him to finally go back to sleep. In the morning, he was happy, with a bright smile on his face while I hid that I knew things that he didn't. It hurt me to see him this way but I accepted every piece of him. Even if it hurt me. For a while, I went back to Jacob's house, where he was attacked by the Innovatives when he had lost his hearing, he took a piece of paper that had rolled the couch.

_I'm sorry for your loss, Jacob._

These were the words that were unable to fall from my lips. The words that made our relationship the first time. I brought it close to my chest, to my heart, no words coming out of my mouth, as I took in these moments. This scent of the house. It was all gone from Jacob's grasp.

I went back to the house, to see him asleep, curled up on the bed with a smile on his face and I walked towards him, kissing his soft lips, touching his hair, and leaning down towards him, as soft breathes escaped his throat.

For now, our world was the only thing we held on…our life, our love, our world of perfection and smiles and sunshine and as long as I was with him now, each heartbeat, each breathe, lasted a lifetime.

* * *

**Unsure about the ending. Seriously unsure but I didn't know how to end it. Also, did you hear?? I might not write another Twilight story again. I'm unsure about that, too. I might write more J/E but it's a small possibility. I don't know why… if you want me to write more, please say so. I might consider it.**

**So this is the end for SYHO. I'm already missing it and I didn't think I'd ever finish it…sad. Who thinks I should write a sequel for this? Vote for that too, please. I must know.**

**sXe**

**Sam.**


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